Ghosts

1–15–16

I see you, in the eyes of strangers passing through on their daily commute, oblivious to the world which surrounds them,
In the setting sun casting fading bursts of fire into the skies like the graying red hair atop your perfect head,
In the shadows of my room illuminated by the passing of a car or the stationary light outside my window, a bleak reminder of my loneliness,
I see you, still, in our video made as a memory of what can only be described as the beginnings of an ill-fated love.
And though you are no longer in my arms, I feel you as I wrap my legs around another to seek comfort in empty sex.

Can you hear me, from across the desert in a land of light and sin, as I wander through a city now empty without you in it,
Hear the way I sigh as an image of us invades my dreams to remind me that you’ve gone and won’t return,
Hear my footsteps on the wood floor as I walk in an insomniatic haze through a cold, empty house, searching for meaning,
Can you hear the way my heart beats in my chest, how hollow it has become since the last time you placed your lips on mine, your hand in my hair, your manhood inside me,
Or is it all the kind of silence only achieved in the grave where our love can finally rest, a silent reminder that you and I are no more?

But still I feel you, your hot breath on the back of my neck as you enter me, searching for warmth and pleasure,
Feel you in the wind as it touches my skin on a cold January morning, like your hands as they cupped my face the moment you walked in my apartment,
Feel the stubble on your chin as we kiss in giggles, feel it scrape my neck while you whisper words that send shivers to the very depths of my soul,
I can still feel your heart racing as I lay on you, eyes closed taking in the smell of your body, tracing each curve as if it were the last time I’d ever feel that freckled white skin again,
And I can feel the love being built slowly like the Tower of Babel, hidden in plain sight only to be struck down by a vengeful and jealous god, to punish the perceived infidelity on your part.

Alone now, for what seems like forever though it’s been barely a month, I wonder if it was so wrong to have that moment in time with you,
That year-long moment where nothing but “us” mattered, where secrets and lies meant nothing because at least there was honesty in “us,”
Wonder if this is the climax in some divine tragedy, where Juliette wakes only to see Romeo swallow poison to join her in death,
Is this it then, our end, the resolution of perfection not seen by others but judged nonetheless?
I cannot accept that, at least yet, nor will I accept that our moment is over, for love like ours is not a season to die and lead into another, it is the wind which changes and adapts to what is around.

I see you, in the jungles of my night, burning like a fire guiding me towards beautiful uncertainty where you wait in calm confusion,
Hear you cry in the mornings, justifying your motives and actions to an empty office and cold home despite it being filled with family,
You feel me, my hand holding your own like a ghost you cannot exercise from within your own being, comforting the pain we both share,
Wondering if perhaps we could steal another day with each other to add to the tapestry of a cold and bitter fate that is our story,
And perhaps we are both dreaming the same dream of losing ourselves in the simple bliss that is the others arms,
Longing for the secret to once again unite our separate lives under the guise of lust, where we know love is the binding force we cannot — will not escape.

Special thanks to Lane Jackson for help with the title