Sometimes it’s like you never really lived at all…..

Someone else’s marriage. Someone else’s children. Someone else’s boyfriend, someone else’s husband, someone else’s life, someone else’s holiday, someone else’s dreams.

That’s how it felt sometimes, like you were wearing a human body suit, but once unzipped there was nothing there. You’re a figment of your own imagination, you listen, you smile when you’re supposed to, you answer when spoken to, but really you’re not there.

If only you could be the centre of your own story, if only you could be in technicolor instead of black and white. If only you could be seen, be truly, really seen. But you know you were always just a coward, a passenger in other people’s stories, a collector of other people’s worries, a watcher of other people’s dreams. All you ever wanted was to watch, but never take part. And now look where you are, you’re just a bit player, a small time bit player in other people’s lives.

You said you worried about me, but you know you shouldn’t because really, I’m not even here.