Fear Cancels Action
I was recently reading the book Start by the best-selling author Jon Acuff. This is a great book that I recommend it to anybody who has a burning desire to do something but does not necessarily know where or how to start, hence the name.
In this book, he mentions the concept of fear playing a detrimental role in our start of success in life. He states that fear does a lot of things from putting questions in our mind that are not real to questioning our authority to start something. Two big things that I love what he said are this: fear says, “You’re too late. It’s not perfect enough.”
I’ve always considered myself a little OCD. I would love to say its hereditary, but really it’s more like selective OCD. I once had somebody tell me that it’s not OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) it’s rather CDO, because that’s the letters arranged in the right alphabetical order. Growing up, my dad was obsessive about cleanliness. He would wash our cars so often that the neighbors would tell him he was going to wash the paint off the car. Anybody who knows me really well or works closely with me knows that I have a very particular way to do things and make things look. If you type up a document, it should either have the font typeset as Myriad Set Pro or Helvetica Neue; otherwise I will say redo it. God forbid, you hand me something in Comic Sans or Papyrus I might puke, literally!
In life as well as in work, I have found it often pays to be OCD. Some people call it detail oriented, some would rather just say I have a large attention to details, but when we want to start something new being this particular can sometimes be a detriment. In my mind, I might be actively working on 10 different things, musing them over, organizing structure and context in my brain. They may not, however, come to fruition because I either compare the work I do to somebody else who has done it better or I convince myself that I could work on it more. And thus, as Jon Acuff eludes to in his book, this perfectionism syndrome takes over so we never do anything. I’m going to be vulnerable with you and discuss three areas of life that this is happening with me right now.
Fitness
Growing up, I was a very active guy. I played hockey, basketball, and soccer, sometimes all at once, and it was not uncommon for me to spend 5–6 hours a day at the gym with friends. Getting into college, different priorities took over. Academics and relationships were among the competing priorities, and my physical health took a backseat to these other things. Fast-forward a couple of years and now I’m 30 and do not lead as active of a lifestyle as I should. I have had moments of success but the commitments I’ve made in the short-term have quickly faded and have never made in into a lasting way of life.
Creation
This past year I did something I’ve always wanted to do — take the Gallup Strengths Finder test. It’s a type of personality test, but at the end you get 5 characteristics of what your top strengths are. This philosophy helps you lead through your strengths as opposed to spending all your time looking at what you are bad at and trying to get it to the “good” level. Two of my top strengths are achiever and learner. Having these two strengths manifest themselves in everyday life in a couple of ways. The first is the fact that after a couple of days if I don’t create something (a new video of my child, a beautiful document, build something for my house), I start to get this itch. The itch feels like an annoying sibling or friend that won’t leave you alone until you spend some time with them. The second way this manifests itself is in having to share my thoughts on paper (or document form). In other words, I have to spend some time writing or journaling. What happens when I don’t do this is I start feeling stressed, or I have this feeling that things are piling up on me when in reality they really aren’t. It’s just all in my mind.
So I’ve just taken the time to share with you two big things with you that are a huge part of my life. Now add fear and perfectionism to those two things and what do you get? I am constantly battling the voice of, “It’s not good enough; you’re too late. It’s not good enough; you’re too late. It’s not good enough; you’re too late. It’s not good enough; you’re too late.”
Community
By nature I am an introvert. I recharge best by being alone with my thoughts. However, recently somebody told me about my horoscope. Now I am a Christian, I grew up in a conservative family, and horoscopes where something that kooky people looked at everyday for their proverbial “rabbit’s foot approach to life”. Anyway, they told me that I was a Leo since my birthday is July 26th, and they started to describe some of the attributes of a Leo. The line that stuck with me was as the follows, “They are fully capable of being greatly successful on their own, but they are much happier if they have an audience and a following of people who look up to them. They would prefer not be alone.” So although I am an introvert, I really would prefer company around me. Right now I idolize people who have built a community of people around them, who have a support system, and who have specific people they are actively trying to grow and mentor. I do this by title in my job; but in life, outside of my paid time, I really don’t have this. Again one of the main reasons I now realize is that it’s because of fear.
To wrap up this thought of fear cancelling action, I have a couple of challenges for myself and you.
Start — Like Jon Acuff’s book, rather than waiting for the right moment to come along, or the perfect weather, the stars to align or however you would put it…start. Start now.
Create a snowball — List from easiest to hard the things or goals you have for yourself. Do the easiest one first so you can build momentum in your life.
Be humble — I have often found that people enjoy being around and gravitate more towards somebody who is real and shares their weaknesses and struggles with them rather than somebody who portrays themselves as perfect. Be transparent and vulnerable with somebody you trust, and let them partner with you.
“Success is sweetest when it’s shared.” — Howard Shultz
