How to begin questioning

Truly “getting good” at asking deliberate questions requires much more than just reading a checklist of quick tips. If you care about developing this skill, you’ll have to start studying and practicing as part of your daily habits.

Readers of the DQM blog have already learned What deliberate questions are and Why they matter. If you aren’t familiar with these concepts, either go read the posts that are hyper-linked above, or stop reading now. (Really, this post will be a waste of time if you don’t already understand the DQM framework…and I’m not a fan of wasting time whether it’s mine or yours.)

For those who do understand what DQ’s are and why they matter, you should also ask yourself if you care enough to put forth the required work to develop these skills. It will require effort, patience, and practice. As with any life skill, cultivating this habit will create value which far outweighs the work…but it will still require work.

Consider this article like a roadmap which describes how to get from point A to point B. The actual amount of effort required to make progress down this path will vary for each person. Cultivating such a powerful habit is not an easy job, so be ready to put in real work!

“Knowing and using the appropriate questions, at the appropriate times, asking the appropriate people, and obtaining what you need in addition to communicating what you want is an extremely difficult job.”

-The Art of Asking: Ask Better Questions, Get Better answers
By Terry J Fadem

Remember: by no means do I think this short post can provide enough information and practice to take you from an average person to a power questioner. That is not my purpose here. The purpose of this post is to list out the most important steps and helpful tips that will get you started down the path of using questions more powerfully to your advantage.

Critical Steps for Becoming a Power Questioner:

1. Recognize that questions are important and that improving the way you use questions can have a significant impact on your life. (Chances are that if you are reading this article you have already made it to this step)
2. Start a Question Notebook — Whenever you hear a good question by someone else, write it down. Whenever you are headed into an important meeting or phone call, write down a good DQ that you can use. Whenever you learn something new about question thinking, write it down. Learn more about the Question Notebook here.
3. Practice. Everyone wants a ‘cheat’ or ‘life hack’ to simplify the amount of effort required. Well, this is one case where you have to put in the work to get the results. I have no magic pill that you can take to tap into the power within your brain (if I did, I’m certain I’d be spending my time and money galavanting the world rather than sitting at my computer writing). One of the most difficult parts of developing a new skill is simply remembering/caring to practice regularly. There are many great blogs and books about developing strong habits, a good starter would be The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg.
   While remembering to practice is largely going to be your responsibility, I want to help as much as possible. In essence, I’ll check in along the path rather than just handing you a map and saying good luck! The best way I can do this is by sending regular reminders to you, along with practical suggestions on ways to practice, (here comes the shameless plug) and you will only get those reminders if you sign up for the DQM email list.

Photo by Becca Tapert on Unsplash

4. Read everything you can about becoming a better questioner. In the future I will share and update some recommended reading lists with notes and comments on what I find valuable in certain books. For today though, you can start by checking out my favorite book on questioning — A More Beautiful Question by Warren Berger.
Those who see true improvement are those who dedicate themselves to learning all the nuances of asking better questions by reading the theories and lessons learned by other master questioners. I will offer no shortcut here, so pick up a book and start reading.

5. Get Support from others. If you haven’t already, make sure you join the DQM community to get regular reminders and suggestions from others on ways to grow this important new habit.

I have to admit one last thing before closing this article. Earlier I said it’s like a roadmap to get you from point A to point B…however that’s kind of a lie, so I apologize. You see, there is no ‘finish line’ when it comes to cultivating new skills. There is only added improvement over time. I think of it like golfing. I’ll never be ‘done’ practicing. My game will never be perfect. I will certainly have some days that are better than others. I’ll have frustrating moments along the way. I know that if I stop practicing altogether my fine motor skills and finesse will slip away quickly. So I keep practicing and keep trying to learn from others who are better golfers than I. And to me, that is all worth it because the overall experience is valuable and enjoyable along the way. So it is with becoming a better questioner. A challenging and ongoing pursuit that will only improve as you put more effort into it. So think of this article actually as a golf lesson, not a roadmap.

Thanks!