Saying nothing is better than asking a bad question
A common pitfall for those who try to become master questioners is simply asking too many questions. The ‘shotgun effect’ has a negative impact when it comes to asking questions. People actually lose respect for your questions and insight if any come across as useless or annoying. Unless you have a good, deliberate question to ask, it’s better to not ask at all.
Because I am a big proponent of asking questions, some readers might find it strange that I’m writing a whole article on NOT asking questions.
Just hold tight while I take you through a few examples and I promise it will all make sense. Certain types of questions just don’t need to be asked.
Do NOT ask questions that hinder action.
Mel Robbins teaches in her book The 5 Second Rule that stopping to ponder all possible outcomes can actually be the worst course of action when making a decision. She teaches the habit of counting backward from “5,4,3,2,1, go!” as a tool of jumping into action without delay.
Especially for tasks that are seemingly simple, yet difficult to do (like getting out of bed some mornings!) this tool can help us accomplish our goals. If I stop to think about something too much (such as — Do I want to get out of my warm comfy bed? Or — What do I need to accomplish today? Or — If I skip my first meeting can I squeeze in a make up call later today? etc.) it is so easy to talk myself out of action. I start to justify, or even feel overwhelmed with the task ahead and simply procrastinate longer. In cases like this, pausing to ask a question is not helpful. Just skip the debate and get to work.
Do NOT ask questions that have already been answered.
There are two main areas where this instruction really comes into play. First is in a professional setting (like meetings) where you are interacting with others.
If you weren’t paying attention the first time, it shouldn’t become the burden of everyone else in the room to sit through the same explanation again.
Second is far more personal, and related to self-doubt.
People who struggle with adequate self-confidence have a tendency to question themselves too much. Let’s use the example of choosing which college/university to attend. Thousands of people young and old face this question every year. Most of them (myself, and likely you too) go through a big process to conclude what option is best for them. Once you settle on an appropriate answer that feels right, celebrate that answer, and don’t create an endless question loop of doubt.
Self doubt can lead individuals to circle around and around asking questions that cause stress and anxiety rather than leading to fruitful progress. Learn to avoid chasing your tail by asking questions which have already been answered.
Do NOT ask questions that are meant to distract.
I remember a specific professor in college that had a very imaginative way of thinking. If we asked him a question that triggered certain hot topics, the lecture would suddenly get completely derailed.
While this tactic was used many times in attempts to avoid boring lectures, quizzes, or assignments, it was never fruitful to the purpose of that university course.
Similar questions can be used personally, professionally, and even spiritually to distract us or others from an important task at hand.
Don’t use questions in this negative way and cast shade on their importance or value.
Do NOT ask questions (even good ones) in the wrong setting.
It is very possible to come up with a great question at the wrong time. If the setting is not appropriate however, asking questions (good or bad) can lead to problems. Make a note of what you wanted to ask, and circle back when the timing is more appropriate.
While this list certainly not comprehensive, I hope it opens your mind to consider the situations where asking questions is NOT beneficial. Deliberate Questioners aim to use and share the incredibly positive power of asking good questions, so please recognize and avoid any types of questions that do not accomplish this goal.
Good questions are important.
Deliberate Questions Matter is a branch of Driven By Questions. We publish as a free blog to inspire readers to take control of their personal and professional lives by asking better questions.
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