Anti-list

Backward Bucket List

Things I don’t ever, ever want to do before I die

A photo of what I want to do to your prissy bucket list. Photo by Adrien Vajas on Unsplash

I’ve noticed several bucket list articles popping up on my Pinterest lately.

What, people don’t use Pinterest anymore?

Anyway, I usually read through them quickly and I become utterly baffled. Who decided it would be fun to put together a list of shit that sucks or might kill you, and force yourself to do these things before you die?

Instead, I’ve come up with an anti-list.

*If you’ve participated in any of the adventures listed below, please comment and answer the following questions:

Why the hell?

Did you truly enjoy it?

Would you do it again?

1. Sky diving. Don’t start with me about “It’s the rush”. I get a mad rush from ordering a hot fudge sundae and then saying, “Add peanut butter” in a high-pitched breathy voice. That’ll do it for me.
2. M/M/F Threesome. Look — let’s be honest. An actual purple, pulsing, veiny dick isn’t that pleasing to look at in the first place. Would you really suggest I look at 2 at the same time? One shaft in my mouth and another in my (insert a hole)? No. That’s too much crank.