Santas Getting Lit and Ruining Christmas
Well, Father Frost actually.
Yesterday I heard possibly the greatest Christmas tale I’ve ever heard. The one where Santa ruined Christmas.
Okay, so I might be being a tad overly dramatic, but it’s still extremely amusing.
Our story begins on a cold winter’s night in Belarus…
While we tell tall tales of Santa Claus or jolly old Saint Nick to our Western offspring, Slavic countries tell their children the story of Father Frost.
Ded Moroz — Father Frost — is a legendary figure based in Slavic mythology and is akin to Santa Claus, bringing gifts to well-mannered children. He is depicted in a long flowing coat, either red or blue, has the same long white beard that we’re familiar with, and walks with a long magic stick. He is often accompanied by his granddaughter, the Snow Maiden, as he heads from house to house on his sleigh pulled by only three reindeer — they’re obviously stronger in Eastern Europe.
As the Slavic countries use the Julian calendar as opposed to the Gregorian calendar, Christmas falls on January 7th every year.
Father Frost, however, delivers gifts on New Year’s Eve.
And it is on this night when it gets pretty wild out there in Belarus.
Some parents hire Father Frost impersonators — much like our department store Santas — to come to their homes to surprise the kids. Now, in Belarussian tradition, Father Frost is meant to share an alcoholic beverage with the adults in the house which may account for why he is such a merry old fellow.
Watering down a good stiff drink is a complete no-no in the land where Vodka fairies dance in your head, and as such, Father Frost may turn up three sheets to the wind.
It was at this point in the conversation with my Belarussian student that I responded with, “NOOOOOOOO!” whilst laughing at the thought of drunk Santas parading around a living room, slurring their Yuletide greetings, and falling over furniture.
Pissed-off parents were just the cherry on my slightly ironic cake. The same folks who wanted to ply Father Frost with liquor were a tad irate that other parents had done the same… go figure!
Apparently in Belarus, New Year’s Eve is filled with inebriated Father Frosts.
This is something I need to see for myself. Who’s with me?
