Attraction and sexual desire
second in a series about desire
Sexual craving and union are just the introduction
Desire to connect with another human being takes place in many ways. While it can be suggested that the nature of any attraction is sexual, perhaps a more important suggestion lies in examining what exists as the fundamental basis of sexual attraction and desire beyond animalistic instincts.
Sexual desire includes craving, cravings which can become so strong as to become overpowering to the point of creating a so-called total body experience. We get swept away.
Such an immersive experience can quickly include multiple dimensions of being — physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. In this sense, the craving envelops us in every way. And we experience a form of oneness.
In any form or experience of oneness, parts of ourselves that are often asleep become awake, parts of ourselves that are detached or uninvolved become attached and deeply involved. And part of what attracts us to all of this are the many strong and unique experiences we soak and play in. But that’s just a part of it. For some people, an illumination may also occur, an illumination that transcends the object of their desire, if but for a moment or two. And in that illuminating moment, it may occur to them that this experience they are in just might have a relationship with the phrase, “the unification of mind, body and spirit.” If we are fortunate enough to realize this - to some extent or another - well, that is just a part of it as well.
The field effect
Speaking of parts, before we start putting the parts and pieces together, let’s briefly discuss something called ‘the field-effect.’
When a so-called ‘perfect’ mixture of male/female or yin/yang energy co-mingles, an exchange or ‘loop’ of energy is set up. A circuit. It begins to cycle and pulse, a sexual circuit of attraction. It’s a complete circuit in a sense, including a power source, a generator, a form of transmission, reception, gravitation, grounding, positive/negative poles, yin/yang, magnetism, frequency, amplitude and pulsation.
As the power of the circuit grows, its frequency changes, and as its frequency increases the magnetic field or attraction increases. As this magnetic field grows stronger, it becomes capable of creating interference all around it, very similar to the interference we hear on our car radio when we drive under large power lines.
This interference can be understood in a practical sense by pointing out that in a state of deep sexual attraction or arousal, it could be said we “are not thinking clearly,” or we “can’t hear, see or think of anything else,” or that “nothing can get through to us.” We become single-minded. We are in love and, just like our car radio under the high power lines, we are full of buzzing, heart-throbbing, kissing and moaning.
So, let’s step back for a moment and try to understand what’s going on, particularly as it relates to the fundamental proposition made at the beginning of this short essay. We are asking what lies at the basis of sexual attraction and desire. And since we can’t normally see what that deeper basis is, let’s also understand that interference may be occurring, just like high voltage does to our car radio. Actually, let’s assume that interference IS occurring. Let’s assume that something is preventing us from seeing or experiencing more deeply (which can also be phrased as ‘experiencing a more fundamental resolution’).
The ‘craving’
When we are craving union with another person, what is it that we are craving? Is it restricted to the other person only? Because if that’s the case, then why do some people have urges to engage in additional sexual (or sometimes, similarly powerful non-sexual) unions? Perhaps there’s something bigger, or deeper, going on. Again, what is it we are actually craving?
“When love first happens, the individuals are giving each other energy unconsciously and both people feel buoyant and elated. That’s the incredible high we call being ‘in love.’ Unfortunately, once they expect this feeling to come from another person, they cut themselves off from the energy in the universe and begin to rely even more on the energy from each other — only now there doesn’t seem to be enough and so they stop giving each other energy and fall back into their dramas in an attempt to control each other and force the other’s energy their way.” — James Redfield, The Celestine Prophecy (Celestine Prophecy, #1)My first martial arts teacher used to say, “Everything in Jiu Jitsu is sexual.”
He was referring of course to the ying/yang nature of give and take. I think he was expressing something basic, but often unseen. Something that goes beyond simple give and take, or positive and negative. Something far more fundamental.
I believe we see something out of the corner of our eye, although it is probably more accurate to say we sense something. But whether seeing or sensing, our sensory peripheral vision is not wide enough. So, what are we truly longing for? In my opinion… Union. Oneness.
Now, let’s suppose that union with a lover, as great and wonderful as it can be, is a coarser form of union compared to some elusive deeper form of union. And in considering that a deeper form of union may actually exist, let’s not diminish the so-called coarser forms as somehow illegitimate or less than, just because a deeper form may exist.
But let’s also acknowledge the possibility that IF a deeper form exists, then it is possible that lower forms are just that — a less nuanced, less complex, less inclusive form. And let’s also suppose that the so-called interference that a love affair engenders, is similar to the interference that may occur when we meditate and then fall asleep. We can draw similarities to other things, such as the interference that occurs when we gasp at nature and then fall into a slack-jawed, gaping-mouth, no-mind, no-words, wonder-filled trance.
And let’s consider that any of these states can happen in any circumstance, ranging from simple, normal everyday life situations, to ecstatic, amped-up dopamine-filled lovefests. In other words, life is a bit of an illusion.
Whether it’s a peak experience, like a love affair, or just everyday life — in any case, let’s assume there is some kind of interference. Because even if I am not driving under the power lines, my radio can still buzz and spit with static or weak signals. Let’s also consider that a root or fundamental driver in ALL of our experiences may be a more fundamental peak experience that lies beyond what is normally seen, even though hints of it are everywhere.
Let’s assume, at least for this essay, that this greater union or oneness is just barely perceived out of the corner of our eye, but when a love affair comes along, or a passionate night of sex unfolds, it’s like we are getting more than a fleeting glimpse; we are getting a stronger sense of it, along with an introductory experience of it.
Now that we’ve been introduced
Our suppositions bring us to a series of questions. For example, how could experiencing something greater than the joy of sexual excitement and union possibly be something bad? Because if a sexual experience with a lover is that powerful and so full of wonder, then doesn’t it make sense that a far deeper, a far greater, a far more fulfilling experience of union would be even more full of wonder, even more immersive and satisfying?
What is being suggested here is that we typically stop at the sexual experience as though it is an end in itself, instead of using it to catalyze or propel us in the direction of more fundamental experiences. And since we stop — thus inhibiting further development — we then turn around and lament our lack of so-called deeper experiences, which is due at least in part to our unwitting complicity of defining physical sex (or, fill in the blank with a similar substitute) as the apex of union and oneness.
the power of oneness is so strong, that a simple taste can become addictive, and have us believing it is an end point
Sexual union gives us a taste of Union. But it’s just a hint. Yet the power of oneness is so strong, that a simple taste can become addictive, and have us believing it is an end point. The desire for oneness and Union is not exclusively about the desire of oneness with that special person. Instead, when we experience union with him or her, we are also sensing the oneness coming through him or her. We become deeply infatuated with it, often mistaking that the oneness is them. And while in a sense it is them, it is more fundamentally something coming through them. And through each of us.
