Living & Dying in Anonymity

Mark Walter
A Monastery for Everyday Life & Leisure
8 min readOct 22, 2017

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reconciling to an insignificant life

City of the Dead (Egypt)

It’s fair to say that most of us will die in anonymity.

We feel important — at least to ourselves — while we are alive. But the truth is, aside from a funeral or a graveyard service, there will be little to commemorate us beyond old photos, a grave marker or urn, and reminisces at family gatherings. And then we fade.

The Samurai were encouraged to meditate on death everyday.

Perhaps one of the more vexing things in all of life occurs, oddly enough, when we do daily meditations on dying. Because in the process of meditations on death, we inevitably encounter coming to terms with anonymity.

Generally speaking, when it comes to death, we fumble around, often ineffectively, trying to find ways to somehow reconcile ourselves to the idea of becoming completely forgotten.

You see, it’s not just dying that gets to us. It’s the being forgotten.

One who is supposed to be a warrior considers it his foremost concern to keep death in mind at all times, every day and every night, from the morning of New Year’s Day through the night of New Year’s Eve.

As long as you keep death in mind at all times, you will also fulfill the ways of loyalty and familial duty. You will also avoid myriad evils and calamities, you will be physically sound and healthy, and you will live a long life. What is more, your character will improve and your virtue will grow. — The Code of the Samurai

Interwoven within our considerations about the value of our own, individual life is this disturbing notion of not really having made a difference.

There are some writers, philosophers and journalists I follow or who have influenced me. The amount of books they’ve sold or the number of followers they have may be vast. But regardless of the scope of their influence, to me, they make a difference. But what is it that they are making a difference in? The opinions of their readers on today’s hot topics? Or perhaps something a bit more sustainable? Or maybe themes that are more or less universal to all of us versus of interest and meaning to only a select few?

Most of us don’t make a big difference beyond our immediate circle. But whether we have or haven’t been significant, death really doesn’t care. Death treats our life and its actions as not having been anything more than a really minor speed bump in the bigger scheme of things.

Death has a way of giving us a sense that we aren’t much of anything. And if we are something, well, it’s something that’s not really all that missed after a bit of time goes by. Even the most famous among us must face this, because despite their fame or notoriety, their posterity will eventually fade. It’s inevitable.

Secret Tactics

In his book Secret Tactics, Kazumi Tabata includes an essay titled Leadership, by Taisou (Le Sei Min). To set some context for the quotes to follow, we first need to uncover a few things about Taisou and something known as Teio-Gaku and Jyogan Seiyou.

TEIO-GAKU IS A STUDY of political leadership attributed to Taisou (Le Sei Min), who was known to be a good ruler in the Tang dynasty (626–649 C.E.). It offers guidance for managing an existing social system. The book touches on the moral principles necessary to be a top leader with a focus on the knowledge and morality necessary for political leadership. Jyogan-Seiyou is a book on politics in the form of questions and answers. It was edited by the Chinese historian Go Kyou around forty to fifty years after the death of Taisou. The central points of the book discuss how a leader must keep an open eye, respect all life, maintain his self-discipline and politeness, and accept candid comments in a positive manner. Taisou had retainers who spoke plainly to him. He listened and acted upon their comments. It is considered that his willingness to listen contributed in no small way to his becoming an enlightened leader. “Jyogan” is the name of the era during which Taisou reigned, and “Seiyou” refers to the morals for reigning over a country. Together, these two books consider “ideal politics.” The principles they offer can apply to any trade today.

Taisou speaks of something called Toku. Tabata translates this word as virtue.

The subtitle of this excerpt (and the remainder of this essay) is: “Reasons for Lack of Recognition.”

I suggest that you read the excerpt below within the context of coming to terms with death’s habit of waving us aside. It’s hard to reconcile the way death treats us — as though we are nothing, casually casting us into the sea of anonymity, seemingly dooming us to a certain and utter lack of recognition, apparently devoid of even the slightest ripple of memory.

Why consider any of this here? Because Taisou teaches us that virtue is associated with being unassuming, with working behind the scenes, with concealing one’s wisdom. Which all have to do with anonymity, the lack of recognition or even importance.

Reasons for Lack of Recognition

A man called Shunnshi who lived in the Chou dynasty during the Age of Civil Wars once said:

  • Lack of recognition by one’s superiors means that the individual lacks effort.
  • Lack of recognition in spite of great effort means that the individual shows no respect towards his superiors.
  • Lack of recognition in spite of paying respect to one’s superiors means the individual lacks sincerity.
  • Lack of recognition in spite of one’s sincerity is attributed to the ineffectiveness of the efforts.
  • Lack of recognition in spite of effective efforts is attributed to a lack of toku. A person who lacks toku will not be rewarded regardless of hard work or high achievements. A kunnshi must not do any of the above.

Possession of toku is an important quality in a leader. A wise and reasonable person is unassuming and hides rather than flaunts his or her talents and wisdom. Those that flaunt their talents are those that lack wisdom and comprehension. Concealing one’s wisdom is the true form of toku. Moreover, pure wisdom is not enough to be a good leader. A good leader must also possess a generous and empathetic mind, considering the needs and feelings of the people, otherwise he or she will not be accepted. One must also note, however, that excessive empathy could work against one’s will.

Excessive empathy towards people makes it difficult for a leader to act and make decisions, hence courage and decisiveness are necessary to avoid this situation. Decisions should be complete and practical. Ideally, one should be empathetic yet decisive. Lao-Tse, a philosopher in the Chou dynasty said:

  • Since he does not show he is absolutely right, people accept him even more.
  • Since he does not show off, people bring out the best in him.
  • Since he does not boast his achievements, people praise him even more.
  • Since he does not brag about his abilities, people respect him even more.
  • A man of nobility does not contend with others. Therefore no one challenges such a man.
  • When a noble leader rules a nation, he will place himself under the people and treat them humbly with respect.
  • When assuming a leading role, he should be humble and never pose as a ruler.
  • For these reasons, people do not feel oppressed by him when he is placed at the top nor does he see the people as obstacles.
  • And the reason for his warm acceptance is due to his talents and modesty towards his achievements. Naturally, people start to gather around him and follow his leadership.

Classification of a Leader

  • A first-rank leader does not justify nor promote his actions. No credit is taken for his achievements, and no trace is left of his actions. He pays meticulous attention to details yet shows no sign of his attentiveness. He maintains a calm outward demeanor in spite of turmoil below the surface, like a duck swimming in a lake. Above all, he has a clear view of the large picture and is able to foresee the consequences of his actions. These qualities make a first-rank leader.
  • A second-rank leader is respected and loved by his subordinates.
  • A third-rank leader is feared by his subordinates.
  • A fourth-rank leader is looked down upon by his subordinates.

An ideal leader is a person who can bring out the talents in each of his men to complete a task without doing anything himself. He doesn’t need to have a hand in each of their actions, as he can bring out the talents and abilities of all his subordinates. Things will not run smoothly if a leader completes all the tasks and exerts his abilities. An ideal leader has a good handle on his men and delegates with no words, while exerting a powerful presence. To reach this level of control, one must have jutsu (art). Jutsu is the ability to:

  • Punish and praise others — holding on to authority tightly
  • Correctly and critically evaluate other’s work — sometimes severely
  • Conceal likes and dislikes; once shown they give the enemy a chance for attack and lower one’s status
  • Test the reactions of one’s subordinates by posing an unexpected question
  • Test one’s men by pretending to be ignorant or by lies and tricks Jutsu is necessary to be a leader.

A leader must not assume high valuation for his hard work and achievements nor should he expect to be thanked. The less visible a leader is, the better. Three requirements of being a leader are:

  • Be a man of few words.
  • Be modest towards people.
  • Be able to suppress emotions.

Summary

A dark subject, death is a topic we tend to shun. When we take it on, it can become morose. All the more reason to avoid it. Yet, it’s unavoidable.

Like the Samurai verses about death and daily practices suggest, I’ve meditated on death every day for around twenty years. It has, in fact, helped calm me and make me less apprehensive about life. And based on my own experience with such meditations, I believe anyone could similarly benefit, regardless of their beliefs in religion, an afterlife, or not.

This short essay has nothing in it to suggest the hope resulting from belief in an afterlife, or a belief in reincarnation. Either of those beliefs put an entirely different spin on conversations about consciousness and death. Because in those contexts, there is no death.

Having said that, I am a strong advocate of finding better ways to live ‘now.’ And I believe it’s imperative to be inclusive. Which means that when we stare at death for any significant length of time, we need to bring back messages that can benefit anyone, regardless of whether they do or don’t believe in an afterlife or even in a before life.

Taisou is telling us to be modest in our approach to living, regardless of our station in life. Be less, not more, visible. And this is an extraordinary utterance because it acknowledges, in a sense, that a way of living now will prepare us to face and accept death similarly. With the modesty that the anonymity of death inevitably brings.

For me, as just an average guy (but also as a writer), I’m often left shaking my head when I read words written thousands of years ago and they both leap off the page at me while also searing me with their practical insight and rock solid relevance.

Be modest — and soldier on.

NOTE: I’ll be rather surprised if anyone reads this essay. We work really, really hard in cultures like America to avoid the topic. In many, many ways, we avoid the unavoidable.

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Mark Walter
A Monastery for Everyday Life & Leisure

Construction worker and philosopher: “When I forget my ways, I am in The Way”