Shitstorm in Global Markets
Just when I thought this (US) election cycle couldn’t get any more batshit crazy, the global stock markets decided to outburst that’d make a hangry toddler look calm.
A Global disaster
This show started with a beautiful kick off in Japan where Nikkei nosedived by falling steeply for more than 12%. It’s the worst dive since the goddamn global market crash in 1987.
And like an ugly case of covid, this shit spread fast and far by hitting Europe and US where the major stock indexes dropped more than 2 fucking percent.
What the Fuck Happened?
Just a few weeks ago where our economists and forecasters were riding a Japanese toy and chatting up fading inflation and resilient growth.
mvp harris must’ve been rubbing her hands to talk to the voters with that sweet economic talk. heh, how quickly the tables have turned!?
The job market has gone and now everyone’s scared shitless that the economic honeymoon’s over and even as the Fed’s about to ease off on the gas pedal.
“It’s been less than two fucking weeks since the economy was growing faster than expected with equity markets hovering near record levels”
said John Lynch. (chief investment officer for Comerica Wealth Management)
Why the Fuck Are Markets Freaking Out?
Markets are like that nosy neighbour who’s always peeking through the curtains and trying to see what’s coming next.
The Labour Department dropped a bombshell on Friday. The unemployment rose more than expected. That’s like seeing your neighbour’s husband coming home with a suitcase.
The market’s like, “Fuck! the economy’s slowing! We might not dodge that recession bullet after all!” And when stocks catch a trace of lower profits then they fucking bolt like a virgin on prom night.
Tech stocks which had been the market’s fucking golden child are now the red-head stepchild. Even AI chip makers Nvidia got a fucking spanking.
And if that wasn’t enough? The central bank in Japan had to go and raise interest rates by hinting they might jack them up even more. Meanwhile the US central banks over here like, “Nah we’re gonna cut rates soon because inflation’s fading”.
The yen is all pumped up like a fucking bodybuilder while the USD’s looking like a deflated balloon. Hedge funds that borrowed cheap in yen and invested in US assets are now fucked six ways to Sunday and scrambling to raise cash and feeding the market turmoil.
But Wait, There’s More!
There’s always those fucking traders who just love to play musical chairs during times like this by moving in and out of positions faster than a politician promises. It’s like they’re pouring petrol on fire.
Recession — Fact or Fiction?
It ain’t looking like a recession right now. Fears are up from Friday because the unemployment rate rose enough in the past year to trigger the Sahm rule — a statistical threshold that’s historically been a sign that we’re in the early stages of a recession.
but hold up a 2nd (lmao, second is 2nd). The US economy ain’t looking half bad. Joblessness is at 4.3% which ain’t great compared to the 3.4% we had in early of 2023 but it’s not exactly time to stock up on canned goods and build a bunker
A higher percentage of people in their prime working years are employed than at any point since 2001 and the unemployment rates are up mostly because more people are looking for work including immigrants.
Plus the US GDP grew at a 2.8% pace in the second quarter of the year. That’s faster than expected and especially with these interest rates that are higher than a stoner on 4/20. Recessions usually mean the economy’s shrinking not growing.
But one thing’s for damn sure that the economy’s slowing. The question is,
how much and how fast?
Election Shitshow — How’s This Gonna Play Out?
Republicans are already rubbing their hands dubbing this the #KamalaCrash. But markets are fucking disloyal and they’ll probably be bouncing around like a goddamn ping pong ball in the weeks leading up to the election. That’s gonna make political messaging around Wall Street a fucking nightmare.
Most investors aren’t blaming the crash on the election campaign but political uncertainty is definitely one of the things markets are chewing on.
If stocks keep dropping and then that’s probably gonna come with some bad economic news and that shit gonna be a challenge for Harris.
What the Fuck Now?
JUST DO NOT PANIC! The world ain’t ending and losing your shit isn’t gonna help anyone.
Now’s the time to take a good and hard look at your investments. If you’ve been riding the tech stock wave then it might be the time to diversify that shit. Spread your money around different sectors so when one goes tits up then you’re not totally fucked.
Don’t try to time the market. Pulling out now could mean you miss out on the rebound.
Check the news a couple of times a day and then turn that shit off and live your life. It won’t help your decision-making.
Make sure you’ve got some cash on hand for a rainy day. We’re talking 3–6 months worth of living expenses.
Just because the market shit the bed doesn’t mean you should stop investing. Just be smart about where you put your money. Consider sectors that tend to do well during downturns like consumer staples, healthcare and utilities.
Unless you’re planning to retire tomorrow, this market fuckery is just a wipe out on the radar. Keep your eyes on the prize of your long-term financial goals.
Make sure you’re taking care of yourself. eat right, exercise and get enough sleep and spend time with people you love. Your mental and physical health are way more important than any stock portfolio.
The world’s always changing and so should your financial plan. Regularly review your goals, risk and investment strategy. What worked yesterday might not work today so be ready to pivot when you need to.
