For a good cause
Thystlewood Country Day School is proud of its diversity and grateful to the families who make sure the need-based scholarship program remains robust. Be sure to sign up for one of this year’s financial-aid fundraisers:
Wine not? • March 5 • $25 per person
Thystlewood moms: Join us at the Pink Pomegranate boutique at Harbourtowne Shopping Village. Owner and 6th-grade parent/fashionista Margot Rhine-Wong will keep the shop open late for an exclusive Thystlewood shopping event. Margot will uncork a Château Pétrus 1972 vintage and several more fine wines. That’s right, her divorce from Dan is final, so now it’s her private collection! She will be pouring it and pouring it strong! Be sure to stick around for the raffle of Dan’s Lotus Elise S1.
Legal Roundtable • March 17 • $1,000 per person
Need some legal advice? The Thystlewood community includes several prominent attorneys, including two judges and the district attorney. Do you have a friend who picked up a DWI or got caught with questionable images on his laptop? In a divorce, is your friend trying to shield assets such as vintage wines or sports cars? Our legal eagles are ready to lend a hand at this roundtable. And just so you understand … this isn’t advice per se. You come, everyone chats, we have a good laugh and it’s all good in the ‘wood. No more problems for your friend. Capisce?
Fast women • April 12 • $250 per person
It’s time for the Thystlewood Half Marathon to benefit the financial aid program, ladies! Our husbands never thought they’d see us on the street this much. In the daytime, anyway! Hah! Am I right? Runnin’, runnin’ and lookin’ cute! Great workout this morning, girls! Your booty looks amazing in that Lululemon Wicking Speed Skirt, 3rd-grade mom Lauren Flatau! Remember when we were like, hey that’s that spray-tan bitch from the Cardway Academy. Let’s take her down! On your left, sister! Hah! Did you catch that sad face, like, those Thystlewood moms are so hot and fast?
Guys night out • June 28 • $5,000 per person
Guys only! Join Dan Wong for a quiet evening away from the kids! We’ll meet at the Harbourtowne clock tower on the fourth Saturday in June at sundown. Just leave your car there and don’t give it another thought. Dress respectably and bring plenty of $1 bills. The night ends when we’ve had all the relaxation we can handle. Just in case, don’t schedule anything for Sunday and possibly Monday!
Good Medicine • May 28 • $1,000 per person
Thystlewood moms and daughters! Meet Shelley Baseltine and 3rd grader Sheila at Harbourtowne Airfield for a quick hop to Newark Airport on the Baseltines’ Gulfstream G500! From there, take a helicopter ride to the American Girl store on Fifth Avenue. George Baseltine has arranged for traffic to be stopped in midtown Manhattan on a Monday morning for this special chopper landing! The little ones can play dress-up while moms slip away to the Standard Hotel for a private concert by Bon Jovi! Then everyone, including the moms and girls and Bon Jovi, will get back on the Baseltines’ jet and fly to Nova Scotia, to see the northern lights, which are Bon Jovi’s favorite thing!
Dolly for a day • May 28 • $10,000 per person
We are so lucky to have two of the region’s finest cosmetic surgeons in our school community! Ladies — arrive no later than 5:30 a.m. at the office of Dr. Phillip Chesterfield for mimosas and a quick breast enhancement. Spend the day knowing the answer to the question, “What would I look like with bigger boobs?” If you’re lucky, there might even be room on the Baseltines’ jet to the Bon Jovi concert! When you realize that you already possess real beauty, arrive anytime after 8 p.m. at the office of Dr. Paul D’Flato for your breast reduction.
Understanding pool chemistry • June 5 • $500 per person
How do the McHenrys keep their swimming pools so clear? You already know the answer: Juan Alejandro Fernández de Álvarez García-Pérez. He’s just 22, understands little of our customs or language, but no one has better mastered the science of pool chemistry. For a few lucky Thystlewood moms, Juan Alejandro will take his time in the hot sun as he walks us through, in his native Galician tongue, the proper way to maintain calcium hardness and water wetness, gently skimming, skimming, finally taking some easy laps, that beautiful angel from western Spain, achieving natatorial perfection. Mmmm.
Legos for Habitat for Humanity • August 2 • $100 per family
Fifth-grader Linus Applewhite wants to donate his Legos to charity and it turns out there may be enough to build an entire house. You know how they pile up! Sign up your children to join Linus and his twin sisters Liza and Lexus as they assemble the Legos into a fully habitable Arts and Crafts style bungalow under the direction of their beloved nanny, Harvard-educated and LEED-certified architect, Bauhaus design expert and exceptional-child psychologist Fiorella York-Beruzzi Ph.D Arch.D. F.R.C.P.(C). A needy family in East Harbourtowne thanks you!.
Bonfire of the Benjamins • November 19 • $1,000 per couple
Do you like bonfires? Do you like $100 bills? Join Susan and Eric Schlossinger for a private party on one of their family farms featuring a bonfire of $100 bills. Yes, a bonfire of $100 bills! Bring your own $100 bills or feel free to burn Susan’s and Eric’s. It’s for a good cause!
