Important Life Lessons for Future Me #1

My brain has shut itself off for these past three days. I lost most of time in limbo trying to heal myself while working. It just didn’t work. I not yet found the best method to achieve both at the same time. Thus, I forcefully chose to rest. To hit not pause, but a big red dusty stop button in my brain. After a serious spending both my time and money, I finally be able to see all of my problems from a distant and wider perspective.

I decided to write them down both as a therapy for my sanity and as a way to leave a mark so that you can learn a thing or two. So now, my problems are these as follow.

Navigating through my entitlements and responsibilities

I’ve been an oldest son before I can remember things. Then, as an oldest brother of three boys. Then, it keeps stacking over time, and now I also have these responsibilities of leading a company of twelves on making several films, musics, and an event, guiding a growth of a community of musical enthusiasts, and recently leading a year-long production of several music videos, digital platform and its contents, then a theatrical performance. Generally speaking, I messed up.

I thought, it was all manage-able, and it does, until things are getting crumbled little by little whenI was so humanly flippin exhausted. I am indeed not as great as I thought. I am still learning how to navigate through these newly-earned dynamic of entitlements.

I am, at best, a learner. And as I do, I failed few times. Now is just the time when all the failures stacked up and domino-effected my sanity. It is a logical consequence of what I’ve signed myself up for.

Solution? Turns out all I need is a rest. To be more precise, I need to cleanse up my brain, whatever it takes. I found writing regularly is an effective practice for me. But since I’ve left it for months, my brain is clogged up so bad it needed more than just simply, write. I need to sleep for hours, off the grid for days, being caffeine-free for a week, then write miserably slow and low.

Communicating my emotions properly

This. This particular thing is my innate major challenge. I found it hard to open up my feelings. I can easily tell you whether I am sad, mad, or indifferent without showing you the proper expressions. I am too used to pretend as straight-neutral-welcoming as possible. Oh yes, it comes handy at times. Yet, I know for sure, I can’t be as cold to certain lovely people. Sometimes, the best way is to express it, not because I want to hurt or be a burden to anyone, but to help myself dealing with my bottled up emotions, and as gesture of loving and deep-trust between me and my loved ones.

Solution? I figure the only solution here is to be braver. I need to trust my innermost circle or those needed to be. As a note to myself, the harder it is to be talked about, the more urgent it is, do whatever it takes.

I spend less, not spend smart

I need to learn how to be financially wise, not a mere cheapskate. I need to love my sanity. It’s okay to have fun. It’s okay to go, eat, do, spend in what or whom I love. I admit, these past two months has been a gigantic madness of spending. My loveliest circle needed more of my attention than before, some of them are sick, some just longing to meet, and some other just need to be cheered up. To make those stuns work, I’ve been a hardcore cheapskate for myself, even though I still have enough saving. I was just afraid of what might happen in the future.

Solution? I need to put my trusts in God, working on my Iman, whatever it takes. The thing is, as much as I plan it, the worry still lingers. There will never be enough preparation. Since, I am a Moslem. I was taught to be able to let things go. He will help.

The rest are just derivatives of those written above…

Like, missing out at important times, terrible delay on deadlines, connection-lost with my precious ones, awkward silences, misbehaves, improper words, neglected promises, hair loss, and losing weight (this one is rather a great side effect tho, lol).

So, future me, who ever you are becoming now, please pay attention to those three main problems I mentioned above. It is for not only for your own good, do it for the ones you love.

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