Life of a ’Pseudo — Government servant’: An insight into my CMGGA journey
‘…Aap do shabdh logon ka utsah badhane ke liye bol dijiye…’
As I go back in time and think of August 2019, I recollect being in an event with a gathering of 100+ females where I was suddenly asked to give a speech on the importance of Nutrition in children. Now, if somebody ever paid attention to my physique, one would realize that I am certainly not the best person to speak on Nutrition and Health! Anyway, with the limited knowledge I had on the subject, I spoke about a few things and they clapped out of habit.
This is just one of the many interesting experiences of being a Chief Minister’s Good Governance Associate (CMGGA) in Hisar. But before I dive into this roller coaster ride, let me explain what CMGGA is or if I may say — a Pseudo-Government Servant.
CMGGAs are a bunch of young individuals who are placed in each district of Haryana for a year to work closely with the district administration to improve governance in the state. So, while we do enjoy some of the perks similar to those of top district officials, just by the virtue of our tags to a certain extent, we do not actually have any official authority in the administration. Our role is more of a catalyst — identify the gaps and bridge them through our skills of coordination and large stakeholder management.
Being a CMGGA means heavy responsibility and the ability to multi-task to achieve outcomes in a given timeline. Many of you who are already working or are inclined to work in the development space, especially in governance, might have certain apprehensions about the kind of challenges that one may face. Let me take you through some of the challenges I faced/am facing and questions that are on my mind during my first professional stint in this sector.
Having lived in seven different cities/towns/villages outside the comforts of my home, for more than nine years now, moving and adjusting to a new place hasn’t been much of an issue for me. Even though Hisar is comparatively urbanized than many districts in the state, staying here looked challenging. I actually consider myself extremely lucky as I have another associate working in Hisar. Being able to work as a team with her in the district, has certainly made my life a lot easier. This support system becomes necessary, especially when I hear accounts of the crazy experiences of my fellow associates in other districts. My respect for them has increased tremendously ever since, especially for the other gender(s).
While trying to adjust in the district in the initial days of the program, the first and foremost challenge for me was to identify who does what, which department is responsible for a particular service and scheme? There are so many layers of hierarchy, so many councils, committees and departments that it is easy to get lost. Even today, post the boot-camp at the start of the program, I am still getting to learn about some of the new designations in the administration and their roles and responsibilities.
I have never been in a managerial role in my professional experience but being a Chief Minister’s Associate will challenge you to step out of your comfort zone. For instance, I have to coordinate between multiple officers, ten departments almost every day to get a job done. This becomes more challenging when the officers possess as much experience as my age! As I complete a little more than three months here, a lot of stereotypes around the administration, bureaucracy, ‘daftars’ and ‘babus’ have been shattered. It took me a while to get around these stereotypes and biases and think objectively.
With more time in the administration and understanding the processes in ensuring good governance, some of the questions/dilemmas occupy my mind constantly.
1- Are the processes as important as the desired results?
While we need to focus on the outcomes and numbers, it is equally important to reflect upon the process or the means of achieving those outcomes, which many at times may take a backseat. Sometimes, I am left wondering whether achieving the outcome is really worth all the pressure and firefighting that is involved in the district.
2- What does impact vs scale and ‘impact at scale’ mean to me?
All of us want to make an impact on the lives of as many people possible but how I define impact might differ from anyone else’s definition of impact. How I see the scale in terms of depth and breadth might be very different for someone else’s. I think the biggest challenge in this context is aligning and bridging this gap between various stakeholders.
3- What kind of role would I be suitable for and what kind of organization I would want to work in?
CMGGA is a great opportunity to identify what you are good at and even attain some of the very important skills by pushing yourself out of your comfort boundaries. It also gives you a strong flavor of a very hierarchical and a massive organization — in the form of district administration. I often wonder how this experience is going to be helpful for me to bring more clarity in terms of where do I see myself after CMGGA.
4- Does anything at all really matter?
Sometimes, I get really frustrated and irritated by people and the structures that have been put in place. At that point in time, ‘existentialism nihilism’ comes to my rescue and I sleep with the thought “In the long run, everyone’s dead” (Okay don’t freak out — it’s a joke!)
To not get bogged down by all of this confusion, I have been asking for advice and suggestions from seasoned bureaucrats about how to make the best use of this year. Through multiple conversations with them, one thing came out very clearly. Everyone I spoke to told me not to try and do everything under the sun as it might not be feasible always, and might not even fetch any output. Focus on a few things, study them well with in-depth details to be able to solve them. This is precisely what I am planning to do in the upcoming months.
It has been an incredible journey so far and I am really looking forward to making some impact in the lives of people and taking huge learnings from here.
PS — Amidst all the chaos, I have started to learn driving and I am also going to the gym for the first time in my life. With this, I hope to be able to parallel park and look closer to my actual age at the end of the fellowship and not a school going kid ☺
