My Demons: Addiction, Satanism, and a Life Worth Loving
Hail Satan!
As many of you know, I am a Satanist. I’m an atheistic Satanist, which means that I don’t believe in or worship an actual literal Satan or any kind of god-thing. But I want to talk a little bit about what Satanism means to Me and how My religion has helped My life.
“Be careful, lest in casting out your demon you exorcise the best thing in you.” — Nietzsche
My demons have always had My best interests at heart .. but they really weren’t all that bright sometimes. Take alcohol, for instance. My demons saw that I enjoyed drinking, that I went out and talked to people while drinking, that I met several of My partners while drinking, etc. Alcohol was a good thing. So, My demons encouraged Me to drink more and more … and more … and more … until I degenerated into the full-blown alcoholism of My recent years.
Many people talk about “fighting their demons” or “getting rid of their demons” or “overcoming their demons” or “distracting their demons.” I didn’t do any of that. I stopped fighting My demons. I laid down My weapons in this endless war and made friends with them. I had a long talk with My demons and now We’re working together, fighting on the same side. I wear My demons on the outside, not hiding them away or being ashamed of them.
They’re helping Me to get out more, to be Myself, to talk to people and make friends. Most of the time, We do that without the use of alcohol. I have had one major lapse, but that seems to have been because I couldn’t get out, I was trapped alone for days. My demons don’t like that, I don’t like that, and that’s why I’m moving somewhere where that will never happen again. (Back to the bustling hell of the city and away from this rural Texas slice of heaven.)
The truth shall set you free.
One major thing I’ve learned from My demons over the years is honesty. They’re blunt but they never lie to Me. Sometimes they’re wrong (like when they said more alcohol would help) but never deliberately or maliciously.
And so total honesty is one of the major themes in My life. It is a big part of My sobriety, and I always strive to tell the truth, bluntly if need be. There is one particular thing from My childhood that I’m excepting from that. That is a secret that I will take to the grave, now that everybody else who knew is dead. (NOTE: I did not kill them.) It’s also a part of the reason I’m moving soon.
As far as other people go, I am simultaneously extremely naive and highly paranoid. I tend to think that other people are as honest and forthright as I am but at the same time I keep in the back of My mind an overwhelming distrust of others’ motives. At least, a distrust of those whom I do not love.
“We love life, not because we are used to living but because we are used to loving.” — Nietzsche
My demons have taught Me perhaps the most important lesson of all: love. Not the sexual wanna-get-laid obsession that passes for love, not the “love me or else” mandate of the narcissist or Nazarene, not the addictive love of the emotionally stunted, but the unconditional love found only in the beautiful light of the Morning Star, Lucifer.
This is not a universal love, by any means. If you love everyone then it’s no different from loving none of them. There are those people whom I love, and when I love them it is without pretense or manipulation, without hesitation or control. It is the love of Satan, who accepts you as you are, not the love of the crucified pretender, who accepts you only if you do what he wants you to do.
There are many people whom I love. I’m asexual so I don’t want to … you know … THAT thing, but I’m also hyper-sensual so physical contact is definitely an option (with consent, of course). I’ve read of these things called cuddle parties and honestly that seems like My idea of hell (and I mean that in a good way).
So I used to be an alcoholic but with the help of My demons and My beloved Satan, I am finally finding My way into a life worth loving. May your life be wonderful and your joy complete, My friends!
