My(not so) Sincerest Apologies
I do a lot of things that are really unproductive. One of the things that I’ve been noticing lately that I do that is particularly annoying is this: I apologize too much.
Like many people, I’ve fallen into the habit of the sorry-not-sorry type of statement: the “I’m sorry, but …” type. Like, “I’m sorry, but I don’t believe you’re even trying,” or “I’m sorry, but that haircut is really bad,” or “I’m sorry, but I have panic attacks sometimes.”
I’m sorry, but I’m going to try to stop doing that. (See what I did there?) I’m no longer going to apologize for having mental illnesses, any more than I would apologize for having a physical illness. (And when you get right down to it, they’re the same things at heart.)
Further, I’m not going to apologize for having an opinion that is different to yours. I have the opinions that I have because I believe that those opinions are correct, and apologizing for being correct would be like saying “I’m sorry but 2 plus 2 does equal 4.”
I realize that other people hold different opinions to Me on a wide variety of topics. Hopefully, very few people hold different opinions about basic mathematics, of course! But on matters such as religion, politics, sexuality, ethics, philosophy, and so forth, I have yet to meet anyone whose opinions are identical to My own in all of the above. Indeed, were I to meet such a person,the conversations between Us would be boring: “I think X.” “So do I.” “Cool.” (Probably an oversimplification but you get the point.) And I do love a good difference of opinion.
What I will do is apologize for any injury or inconvenience caused by My mental illnesses to other people. If I have a fugue state and wander off to parts unknown (quite literally unknown since I don’t really know My way around this area to which I’ve recently moved), I will apologize for others’ having to go out of their way to find Me. If I have a panic attack in a shopping mall, I will apologize to those with Me for asking them to leave early. I shan’t apologize for having the state or attack, but only for the effects it caused on others.
I realize that I apologize too much, or at least that I say “I’m sorry” too much. It’s almost as if I am ashamed to be Myself. But as was once said: be yourself, everybody else is already taken. I am who I am, I am what I am, and I’m going to try not being ashamed of that any longer.
