Sundries

Wow, it’s been a bit over a month since My last post. Things have gotten even more interesting since that point and I kind of miss writing, so here We are. There’s not a main theme here, just a bit of rambling on various topics that I feel all of My loyal readers and fans (all three of you) might have a few moments of spare time to waste reading.

Health

I’m writing this from a SNF. That’s a Skilled Nursing Facility. It’s kind of like a hospital for people who need medical care but aren’t bad enough to be in a hospital.

I look at it as a cross between a rehab center and a nursing home.

This is the second SNF I’ve been in since My last post. The first one was in the small Texas town where I live, and I went there from the small Texas hospital at which I was being “treated.” I put that word in quotation marks because it wasn’t totally effective treatment.

In addition to My main health problem (the fatal brain disease), I seem to be getting a recurrent infection. You might remember a few posts ago when they thought it was sepsis. I’ve been to the ER two more times since that post with exactly the same symptoms.

So roughly four trips to the ER in four months.

The first three times, I went to that small-town hospital near where I live. In My dealings with them, I realized one major issue: they weren’t that great for what I had. They did, finally, after three times there, start to have a clue what the problem was but … that’s just not good enough for Me. Not when My life is on the line, and especially not when I probably only have a few years left to live. I’d prefer to spend as little of that time in a medical facility as possible!

This last time, I had My sister drive Me for well over an hour to the ER of a branch location of the major Houston hospital I had been going to when I lived in Houston until earlier this year. It was better.

The view from My room was better. The food was better. The room was more comfortable. Other than few temporary hiccups, I was much happier staying there than … the other place.

Most importantly, however, they got an idea how to fix Me.

Basically, as I understand it, it is a staph infection in My blood which appears to be extremely resistant to drugs. It’s a real-life Wile E. Coyote, it looks like you killed it but then in the next episode it’s back.

So what this hospital is doing is a longer treatment with some powerfully potent drugs and they hope that this will eliminate the infection once and for all. I’m cautiously optimistic on this, though in the back of My mind I’m still afraid that it’s going to be the same thing again: Just another attempt to kill That Which Lives Forever.

They moved Me to a SNF to get long-term anti-biotic treatment. Like, five weeks. So I can fully expect to be here until early next month, or October.

You may wonder what this place is like. Let’s start off by saying that My aunt was here a while back and didn’t care for it very much, which is a big point in its favour.

Let’s start with the bad points. The rooms are tiny and they’re double rooms. There are two beds here, but My roommate is in the hospital and may or may not be returning soon. I haven’t met him yet, so I’ll reserve judgement on that.

The nurse response time is a bit slower than I’d prefer, but I suppose that’s to be expected when you’re in a SNF. There are a lot of people here and I would guess that many of them are in worse shape than am I. Yes, I’ve got a fatal brain disease and an adamantium infection, but I am still mostly lucid, I am ambulatory, I have no allergies, and I’m rather handsome. (OK, that last one might be a delusion, but …!)

The Internet here is abysmally slow. I mean, it’s fine for writing articles and reading things, but online games are really iffy and TV shows buffer a lot. But that’s not HORRIBLE, and to be honest it’s easier than in the last hospital. (By easier, I mean “more secure.”)

There are no phones in the rooms. This means that it’s a really good thing that I actually broke down and got a cell phone a few months back. As regular readers may have garnered, however, I HATE CELLPHONES. Tracking devices with too-small keyboards. On the other hand, if anyone wants to find Me, it’s not a secret where I am either way.

Now let’s talk about the good points.

The food. It’s good. Like, really good, for the most part. I don’t know how much I’ve talked about this on this journal before, but I’ve slowly been moving to a vegetarian diet. It’s healthier, at least for someone with My particular health problems. I feel that it follows logically from My religious beliefs, also. (Many others in the Temple feel the same way.)

The therapists. The therapists in the other SNF were great, I have to give them that, and the ones here are likewise pretty amazing. I’ve been having problems with My balance and endurance, and they’re going to be working with Me on that.

The staff. The nurses are great, the PCA’s (Personal Care Assistants) are a little hit-or-miss but on average pretty good, the administrative personnel (at least the ones I’ve met) are excellent.

The looks. Other than the abysmally tiny rooms, the place looks nice. They have two outdoor patios where I can go and sit (one is for smoking, so I avoid that one) and read. The interior architecture in the main lobby is very nice. Actually it’s a little nicer than the hospital, which was pretty nice in itself. I don’t feel the desire to stay in My room alone all the time.

The activities. There is a schedule of recreational activities on a daily basis (including, of course, religious services on Sunday). I have been told that I can go out with people if I sign out — for instance, My mother lives not horribly far away and I could go out to lunch or shopping with her if I cared to, as long as it didn’t interfere with My drug schedule too badly.

The acceptance. First, not everyone here is white, like it was in the town I live in currently. I’m wearing some glittery nail polish and not only does nobody seem taken aback by that but I get frequent compliments on how nice it looks. I told one of the personnel that I was a Satanist (not a question on the intake interview, btw) and not only was she not horrified or given pause, she actually came back later to ask Me some questions about it and seemed genuinely interested.

I think that this might be a place to come when things start getting really bad and I have to go somewhere to get proper medical care in My final days. Which may be not as far off as I’d like.

Religion

I’m not sure how much I’ve actually discussed My religious beliefs, so some of you may still be under some misapprehensions of what it means for Me to be a Satanist. I’d like to take a moment to try and clear some of that up.

I do not worship Satan. I don’t even believe Satan exists.

Let’s get that out of the way. I’m a die-hard atheist, I’ve studied religion and philosophy all of My life, and come to the conclusion that not only is there no “god” but that the very word “god” is quite meaningless and impossible to verify with certainty.

I’m rather the opposite of many people: I’m religious but not spiritual. You may be wondering to yourself how I can be religious but at the same time be an atheist.

There are several other major (-ish) world religions which do not involve a belief in any god(s): Buddhism is the big one, at least Mahayana or Theravada, but others include Confucianism, Jainism, Taoism, or Shinto. Some of them may use theistic or supernatural terminology at times (e.g., Confucianism may reference “Heaven,” and Taoism can include some serious mystic and occult strains) but overall the religions are atheistic.

I do want to take issue with some who refer to Satanism as a “non-theistic” religion and insist that’s somehow different from “atheistic.” Anyone is free to use words however they want and define them to mean whatever they want. But by My thinking, if you believe there’s a god then you’re a theist and if you don’t you’re an atheist. Law of the Excluded Middle. Knowledge and/or certainty do not enter into it.

I am affiliated with The Satanic Temple, which is a tax-exempt religious organization recognized by the IRS. So legally it is as much a religion as any church, and entitled to the same legal rights and protections under U.S. Law.

We have a “code” called the Seven Tenets. (Too frequently mistakenly referred to as the “seven tenants.” Auto-correct on cellphones again, I’d wager for much of that.) Read the link for all seven, but overall they’re just common sense things that good, intelligent people do. There is no “proof” that these are true (if that wording would even make sense), it’s just the way that We all have at least some intent of living. Unlike the “Top Ten” of the Christians, the code says (#6) if you screw up then admit it and fix it (not just pray for forgiveness in secret and go on living like nothing happened) and also (#7) these are just guidelines and, as Issac Asimov’s Salvor Hardin put it, you should “[n]ever let your sense of morals prevent you from doing what is right.”

Some of Us do rituals and ceremonies and such, have altars and statues of Baphomet, not because We think that they have any real power but because it’s FUN. JK Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books, says that she “believes in God, not in magic.” (I suppose there’s a difference somehow?) We of TST believe in science, not in magic. Admittedly, there are a fair number of people in TST who really think that magical rituals and crystals and stuff work, but as an organization We have tenet #5 which talks about changing one’s beliefs to fit the evidence not the other way around — and the evidence for anything “woo-woo,” from prayer to voodoo curses to crystals to homeopathy just isn’t there. (“Evidence” not meaning “My dog sitter’s aunt’s friend’s brother one time …”) That was one of the major things that drew Me to TST in the first place.

I am also fairly open about My religion. In a sense, I almost consider it a duty to “not be an asshole” when people know that I’m a Satanist, if for no other reason than to cause a bit of cognitive dissonance on their part.

I have been a Satanist for over 30 years, on and off, and possibly longer. Even as a child I asked questions, and when I was going to church I took it all with a grain of salt, always raising questions, always pushing.

Ba’al’s balls, the main reason I read “The Satanic Bible” in the first place was because somebody at church said how awful it was. I went to see the film “The Last Temptation of Christ” because so many Christians were up in arms about it. Telling Me that I can’t do something, or that something is not “acceptable and proper,” is usually a sign to Me that I want to do that. So in a real sense, I thought like a Satanist before I even knew what a Satanist actually was.

Food and Drink

As I mentioned before, I’ve adopted a vegetarian diet. Part of that is because of My health; for someone looking to deal with a bad liver, meat (particularly red meat) is said to be unhealthy. Fortunately, a lot of good things that I’ve used for years are healthy — like real butter.

Part of that is because of My religion. The first tenet advises Us to “act with compassion and empathy toward all creatures” and personally I find it a little contradictory to say that I have compassion and empathy for creatures while I eat them.

Some other people in TST feel the same way; many are going totally vegan. I am actually trying to eat more vegan for Myself (e.g., I’ll usually make a vegan egg substitute instead of bio-eggs when I’m cooking, or make a vegan sour cream using tofu when needed). I will use milk at times, though I actually prefer the non-dairy milk like almond milk. I rarely drink much of anything besides water for the most part; maybe a 12-oz can of soda with real sugar every few days.

I may not go entirely vegan — especially because of My torrid love affair with cheese — but I’m definitely moving in that direction. Maybe call Me a “chegan” (cheese-eating vegan?)

My sobriety is at nearly seven months and going strong. It may not be the AA version of sobriety, as I don’t have a “sponsor,” I don’t admit that I’m helpless in the presence of alcohol, and I don’t believe in a higher power. However if sobriety means not getting drunk then I’m good.

My psychotherapist suggested looking to My sober self or My future self as My “higher power” and I guess I’m comfortable with that. I am comfortable with My sobriety. I’m happier not getting drunk every day. I haven’t completely abstained — I do cook with alcohol rarely, and I have tasted alcoholic beverages now and again (if nothing else, the wine I’m cooking with!) I’m more focused on the “not getting drunk” thing than the “make sure that not a drop of alcohol enters your system” thing.

Some will say that’s not sobriety. Some may say that’s a slippery slope. My only response is, as I said above, that I’m comfortable with My sobriety. If others aren’t then that’s not My problem.

Love and Companionship

Nothing new on that end and I don’t expect there to be. I am an asexual Satanist with a few extra pounds, a fatal brain disease and probably less than four and a half years to live, so I certainly don’t expect anyone to buy into THAT whole package.

However, I have people whom I care about and who care about Me, some of them I’m even related to. I’m not going to compromise My standards just to “find someone” or “get laid” or whatever allos are doing these days. My life is My own, and should I die before finding a person worthy of sharing My final years with, still I shall die happy.

I am, however, still accepting applications in the comment section.

Conclusion

Well that’s about all I have to say right now. With luck and the grace of Gaap, this is not the conclusion as in the last post ever, but only the conclusion of this little rambling. Until next time I feel the urge to put down My thoughts and bare My soul, be well!