Blog 6 — Revision of Introduction

Working in the dairy industry is a very taxing job for anyone to have for a long period of time. Before automated feeders, automated water buckets, and all other “normal” today technologies being a part of the dairy industry was a hard labor job. Even today with all the all the advances in technology the job is still manual labor and it is tiring. At the University of Delaware, I work on the dairy farm and I see, relate, and understand the labor that my other coworkers have to do. There are some days at work where I cannot wait to be done but then I think about how much longer I would have to be working if we didn’t have the automated milking system. Even a farm manager has a lot of work to do all week. The manager’s responsibility is to keep track of all the cows, when they are in heat, what they get feed, how much they get feed, and so many other important tasks that keep the farm functioning. The manager’s job though has become so much easier over the years because they can track cows by their numbers (names) and see all their information. Before the dairy industry started using computer systems the job used to be complicated and tedious but now it seems as though if a person has a general idea about how to run a farm they can because of the easy accessibility of computers.

Working in the dairy industry is a taxing job for anyone to have for a long period of time. Before automated feeders, automated water buckets, and all other “normal” technologies of today, the the dairy industry was a hard labor job. Even today with all the all the technology advances the job is still manual labor and it is tiring. At the University of Delaware, I work on the dairy farm and I see, relate, and understand the labor that me and my other coworkers have to do. There are some days at work where I cannot wait to be done but then I realize how much longer I would have to be working if we didn’t have an automated milking system, machines to feed the cows, and so many other improvements of technology. Even the farm manager has a lot of work to do, but less manual labor. The manager’s responsibility is to keep track of all the cows, when they are in heat, what they get feed, how much they get feed, and so many other important tasks that keep the farm functioning. The manager’s job has become much easier over the years because they can track cows by their numbers (names) and see all their information. Although, before the dairy industry started using computer systems the job used to be complicated and tedious but now it seems as though if a person has a general idea about how to run a farm they can because of the easy accessibility of computers.

Introduction are always the hardest part of a paper for me to write. I think that this is a good beginning paragraph because it begins with my connection to the topic and then flows into what I will be talking about later on in the paper. My revision consisted of reading the introduction out load multiple times, trying to find ways to make it more clear as if I was someone reading the introduction without any knowledge about the topic. I made grammatical corrections, sentence structures, and clarifying terms that are not well known to the general public. The hardest part of editing this part of the introduction was that it is hard for me to identify the terms that are not well known to the average person because to me it is common knowledge. I think this is going to be the hardest part of my entire research paper: making sure all the terms are clearly defined and well described.