Revising
A plethora of activities and a flourishing imagination makes recess the most enjoyable time of a young students day. Recess is the best part of most children’s school day but that’s not the case for the 5 to 10% of children with developmental coordination disorder. Developmental coordination disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties with the acquisition and execution of motor skill (Sumner et al, 1). The difficulties children with developmental coordination disorder face are daily and apparent in many tasks. “DCD often significantly interferes with children’s participation in motor activities. The lower self-competence that frequently characterizes children with DCD also impairs their participation in other activities in social and scholastic domains and restricts their daily life experiences” (Engel-Yerger et al, 756). Things as simple as catching and throwing a ball can be a difficult and frustrating task. Developmental coordination disorder causes the afflicted person to be increasingly clumsy and weak, making their motor skills harder to successfully execute. Technology is taking the lead in research for developmental coordination disorder, simulating tasks for participants to practice and strengthen their skills. Integrating technology into the lives of children suffering from this disorder can ultimately improve their quality of life.
Revision
A plethora of activities and a flourishing imagination makes recess the most enjoyable time of a young students day. This free time is the best part of most children’s school day but that’s not the case for the 5 to 10% of children with developmental coordination disorder. Developmental coordination disorder is a neurodevelopmental disorder characterized by significant difficulties with the acquisition and execution of motor skill (Sumner et al, 1). The difficulties children with developmental coordination disorder face are daily and apparent in many tasks. “DCD often significantly interferes with children’s participation in motor activities. The lower self-competence that frequently characterizes children with DCD also impairs their participation in other activities in social and scholastic domains and restricts their daily life experiences” (Engel-Yerger et al, 756). This disorder causes the afflicted person to be increasingly clumsy and weak, making their motor skills harder to successfully execute. Things as simple as catching and throwing a ball can be a difficult and frustrating task.
Within this paper I intend to prove that implementing technology into the daily lives of children with developmental coordination disorder will impact and improve the wellbeing of their lives. This argument can be supported by the ample success in research, the evolvement of technology, and the solutions that can be applied. Although Developmental Coordination Disorder may seem of concern to only a small group of families, it should in fact concern anyone who cares about the development of children in social settings. After examining research done to aid the disabled in the form of technology the findings will have important implications for the broader domain of assistive technology. Ultimately technology is taking the lead in research for developmental coordination disorder, simulating tasks for participants to practice and strengthen their skills. Integrating technology into the lives of children suffering from this disorder can in fact improve their quality of life.
Reflection
After looking at my first paragraph again and using some of the revising skills I learned I saw many places for improvement. I was able to clearly state why my point is so important by using one of the templates provided. The list of specific transition words to use for comparison, elaboration and many more are extremely helpful. In They Say, I Say I also learned about restating an idea and not being repetitive. It can be easy to repeat an idea and not notice how similar it sounds each time. The explanation of pointing words and their use was a great help in aiding me in changing some of my more repetitive terms. I use “Developmental Coordination Disorder” a lot in my writing to keep it clear but it became annoying to read so many times. Using “this” in place of my repetitive term made the writing flow much better. I also decided to separate the first paragraph and use the second papra graph to explain the paper a little more in depth.
