What’s Good for One is Good for All
A Short Lesson in Assertiveness
Ever hear something that sounds like a no but feels like a yes? Ever know something deep within you but don’t know how it got there?
It’s instinct, your true nature, that which is well below the surface, and more true than anything that can be called forth with the mind.
My head recently rejected an idea because of how rude it sounded, but as I got quiet and sat with it, the Truth became clear — yes Truth with a capital T. Listen up.
If you have issues with assertiveness and boundaries this one may cause a rub. Your head will likely say no, but if you believe we are all divinely connected, please read on.
When you do what’s true for you, it’s best for everyone.
Even if that truth hurts another being.
If we are aligned with Self when we say ‘no,’ but we hurt the other person, it becomes a win-win in the larger scheme of things.
Let me explain: a lot (almost all) of the time its hard for us to say no to people — because of our conditioning, wanting to be liked, our need to be seen as good people. But this conditioning is a learned behavior. And learned behaviors are society’s way of teaching us to conform. Families are the first place we learn these behaviors — we learn to do what the family unit says we should do, sometimes whether we like it or not. This alone often takes us away from our primal instinct, our true nature. It moves us away from doing what might feel right for us in lieu of doing what is expected of us. And guess what? It’s not serving us on the soul level.
Think about it: if we say ‘yes’ when we mean ‘no,’ what are we bringing to that situation? It can’t be positive if we are resenting the other person for asking in the first place. And if we follow through because of obligation, how much does that negative energy build? How will it affect the next encouter we have with that person — or another person — if we allow the energy to stay with us?
A caveat: I’m not saying you should always say no. I’m not saying you should be an asshole for the sake of it. I’m not saying you should be selfish or always put yourself first. But I am saying that this exercise is a divine lesson in learning to trust yourself. It’s an experiment in human evolvement, and assertiveness is a by-product so that’s a win if you struggle with that issue. I am currently working on these concepts myself.
An Exercise in Listening In
- The next time someone asks you to do something you’re not super thrilled about, give yourself spaciousness. Ask if you can get back to them at a later time/date.
- Before you make a decision, go to the body. Feel what a yes feels like. Then imagine yourself saying no. What does that feel like?
- Form your answer based on body knowledge and live through whatever repercussions it brings. Try it with something small at first, then grow the experiment out to other things.
Slow down enough to see what’s true for you. Go to the body. Always listen in. The head and the body often don’t match, but the body never lies.
Listen in.
It’s not selfish. It’s grounded.
Choose your energy — and bring that intention to everyone you encounter.
Thanks for reading. Did you enjoy? Please tap the 💚 to recommend it to others. Namaste …
Heather is a writer and yoga educator. Writing is part of her daily spiritual practice and she shares (almost) daily as she works on her first book. Change your perspective. Subscribe for a dose of inspiration straight to your inbox that can be read in 4 minutes or less, or receive a FREE 15 minute Rotation of Consciousness Practice to calm yourself, get out of your mind and drop into the body.
Source material for this post from Bliss + Grit, and Kiran Trace’s book, Tools for Sanity. Check them out!
