You do, of course, realize that this makes me your rightful SwagLord?
Jeff Gand

Gand, we have as of this morning destroyed in a fiery cauldron all corporate swag items your company sent to us, lo, these many years ago.

We are nobody’s vassal.

As soon as Richard S. Rider logs in remotely, he will post documentary evidence to our Instagram and to the company blockchain.

As per the Terms, (§ 3) I am writing formally to notify you that your claim is null and void; reason: Items’ lifetime has ended.