What about something like this…
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REALITY TOS
Welcome to Reality (in general the “Site” paid or registered areas of Reality are the “Club”), owned and operated by Rich Nations (“we,” “us”). The following terms of use (“Terms”) govern your use of the Site.
[MEMBERSHIP]
Eligibility and Buoard Approval
We, in our sole absolute discretion, will have the right to refuse to allow you to become a member in our “Club of Nations.” Without limitation of the foregoing, we will have the right to check your credit prior to opening your country, and refuse to allow you to become a member if we determine that you are not credit-worthy, unless you agree to be a part of our joint military junta / “aid package.”
Reality will accept only total commitment from each person. If we determine that a single person has joined (or attempted to join) more than one Reality, or if we receive multiple membership applications from a single Reality user, we reserve the right to cancel all applicable memberships — and quite possibly your existence. [Check w/ legal?]
You must be ageless and continually in a state of becoming to be a member. You may already be a member. We do not allow children to express themselves. If you are between the ages of 13 and 18, you may wish you were not, but later you might also look back on this time fondly. You might not, but you also might. Just sayin. By becoming a full-fledged member of adult reality, you will probably have to get a job: (i) or more likely an endless series of jobs (ii) that, (a) suck and (b) are low paying until (iii) you agree to these terms and our privacy policy and authorize your own “freak flag to fly.”
You are now, as ever, responsible for your own conduct. Make your own choices.
Representations And Warranties
You hereby represent and warrant to us that: (i) you have the full power and authority to take control of your own life and destiny, (ii) your use the Reality will not infringe the power, authority, life, or destiny of others, and (iii) you will comply with Universal Laws, where observable.
[TERMS OF USAGE]
Payment
You shall pay and pay and pay.
If you have engaged in cheating or manipulation of Reality, congratulations.
[REGISTRATION]
User Names
Reality members will also receive one or more True Names upon completing their apprenticeship with the Dragon Lords. Sharing your True Names will bind you semi-permanently to the young dragon with whom you have been training, so share carefully!
Upon termination, you shall surrender into simultaneity.
Password And Security
Your password is “weak” and, therefore, so are you.
IP Address Ownership
We shall maintain and control everything.
RULES GOVERNING HELP TICKETS
If you need help, just ask.
Cancelled Events are cancelled.
There can be no exchanges or refunds on moments in life that are lost or vanished.
We reserve the right to determine for ourselves what constitutes a “good” or “better” for living purposes.
CLUB MEMBERSHIP. Sometimes Club membership is a requirement to succeed in certain reality packages. Good luck out there, whatever you do.
[CONDUCT]
User Content
We allow Members (as defined below) to make contributions to the Reality (the “Site”) through chatting quietly with friends in darkened cafes, shopping malls, billiard parlors or other types of parlors. Please understand that all the bad things that may have happened to you in the past are just that: the past.
For our part, we respect your ownership rights over your past, but think you might also get a “kick” out of “Letting Go”, like it says in the famous James Bouffet song.
You may not agree to submit to tyranny, because it is is generally offensive or in bad taste.
We shall not be liable any more than you are not liable, mutually.
You agree to respect the rights of others and exercise good judgment.
Disobey any requirements, procedures, policies or regulations of networks connected to Reality which violate Reason or common sense.
Use any robot, spider, or other automatic device, but remember to treat them well.
Take any action that imposes a disproportionately large load on our infrastructure — go on, enjoy! This one’s on us!
Enjoy Reality anyway.
[GENERAL PRACTICE & LIMITS]
You agree that you have no responsibility or liability for the deletion, for failure to store or to deliver any messages and other communications, because of Timehunters without advanced notice.
Commercial Use
You agree not to use merchandise of any kind.
Intellectual Property Rights Policy
We respect the intellectual property rights of others, theoretically.
[MODIFICATION, SUSPENSION AND TERMINATION]
You expressly reserve the right to immediately modify, suspend or terminate your attachment to Reality (“the Service”) in your sole discretion if it becomes too “hard”.
[DISCLAIMERS]
Warranty
The Rich Club of Inter-Locking Corporate Nation States makes no warranty that (i) Reality will meet your requirements, (ii) Reality will be uninterrupted, timely, secure, or error-free, (iii) Reality may be accurate or reliable, (iv) the quality of Reality will meet your expectations, or that (v) any errors in Reality will be corrected.
Reality has the right and ability to log into any users account for the purpose of troubleshooting, investigating complaints, or any other purpose for the daily operation of the service.
You expressly understand and agree that “no one cares.”
Force Majeure
We will not be surprised if Reality descends into war, insurrection, sabotage, terrorism, embargo, fire, flood, strike or other labor disturbance, or quote-unquote “Global Warming.”
[Legal]
You agree to disagree. You agree to not lay the blame on one another without cause. You agree to a mandatory “cooling off period” wherein a “no hard feelings” grace period may apply.
The invalidity or unenforceability of any of these Terms shall not affect the non-validity or un-enforceability of any other of these non-Terms, all of which shall not remain in full unenforceable effect, regardlessly. You agree that regardless of legal stuff, whatever.
You agree that any Club or Nation is an arbitrary distinction, without inherent meaning.
[Privacy]
Cookies
We love cookies. Send us some!
Personal Information
In some cases, we will collect donations for “beer money”.
We generally do not — but often do — authorize third parties to communicate with you without adding something from our roster of crappy brands to the communication. Because $$$.
How We Use And When We Share Financial Information
We use your financial information to derive your value as a human and continously re-bill you meta-cyclically.
Security Precautions
What security precautions?
— j/k
Warning About Online Disclosure of Information
You should be aware. We do not control as much as we’d like to of Reality. You should always be careful and responsible, probably.
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