Living together alone

Born in 1980, I am at the tail end of Generation X. I identify with those who came of age listening to R.E.M, U2 (when they had rattails) and Pearl Jam. I consider “Wayne’s World” to be one of the most formative influences in my adolescence.

I remember where I was the day Kurt Cobain died.

Folks who like to wax philosophically talk about the rise of the individual and attribute my generation as the first to really prize individualism and then commercialize it. 

In high school we were a strange tribe. Covered in our own backwoods Louisiana interpretations of youth filled angst, we dreamed about being different while likewise being surrounded with those who thought just like us.

We were living together alone.

As angst and teenage introspection turned into honest semi-adult questionings, we all found our answers in certain places. I found mine in the Church. In the ancient history of the people called Christians were outsiders like Anthony of the Desert, St. John of the Cross and the monks of Athos. People who banded together with others to ask questions and express another world.

Even then, I was still part of a group prizing individualism in community. We still had questions. We dreamed and hoped for a world beyond our immediate horizons. One where we each had a special place. 

The older I get, the more I realize how this group of people of a similar age have a unique set of questions and answers to life. We were formed to the lullaby of a particular space and time.Those who came after us (the millennials) are seen as achievers and doers. I would describe myself as a questioner.

I am an oddball. A pastor in a traditional establishment who writes sermons while listening to Alice in Chains. Long ago I quit thinking I would find that perfect world I looked for years ago and allowed myself to be taken over by the radical divine. Perfection has a new definition, one not about me…but totally about another. 

I move around in people not like me and find richness and community inside of relationships only explainable in maturity and growth. The rule book of an individual has been thrown out and replaced by a covenant maintained by many.

I still ask questions. I still dream. I do it with others. For their sake.