Stupid Vegan Questions

And stupid answers.

Vegans get asked the same questions over and over (and over). People are finally starting to get it, and of course I could do a serious article here, but there’s already too many of those. So here’s my version.

Why are you vegan?

You haven’t figured this out yet? Animals, health, science. Oh, and the biggest issue for the next few hundred years! Climate change.

Isn’t it difficult?

Yes, but mostly thanks to people who ask that very question.

Where do you get your protein?

Please, first slap yourself. Second, my food.

But how do you get enough?

I just do. Let me know what protein deficiency looks like. And you know gluten is a protein, right?

But…

Next question!

But what about fish?

Fish is an animal, dummy. I know they’re treated like vegetables in the supermarket, but it’s an animal. Besides, fishing is hugely destructive to the ocean.

But what if it was organically, and sustainably grown?

Fine. I’ll eat fish — but only if it’s made from plants.

But what if you were trapped on a desert island?

Well, obviously I’d eat the dessert.

But…?

So, if you were trapped on planet Earth with limited resources, and eating animals hurt the environment and used vast amounts of water and 600 thousand people a year died from heart disease, would you still eat animals?

What about honey?

It’s from bees. I’m not a beegan.

But what about B12?

Low B12 and other deficiencies are wide spread in non-vegans, so don’t even start. Yes, I take a supplement, but it’s added to many foods, so I perhaps don’t need to.

What about cholesterol?

Mine is exceptionally low — freaks some doctors out, but it’s OK and expected for vegans.

Did you really read the ingredients inside 2 seconds?

Yes, yes I did.

Can I see what you’re eating?

No, back off. Sometimes I just want to eat my lunch without having 20 questions.

I could never become vegan — how could I give up cheese?

Pretty much every vegan has said that — and they did, and it was fine

Hey, did you know Oreos are vegan?

Yes, although it’s hard to argue they are actual food.

Are you being difficult?

Yep!