Lilia

January 21, 2019

When I think of hard tables to get in NYC, I think of Lilia and Atomix. That being said, at least Atomix announces when its reservations open. One time, I stayed up till midnight and still couldn’t get a reservation at Lilia.

My first attempt to dine at Lilia was on December 16th, 2018. I didn’t have a reservation, but I did have a meticulously planned day that included “showing up before 17:30 so that I would be the first to walk in and get walk-in seats”. The weather was terrible. It was raining cats and dogs and chimpanzees. I spent literal hours (the receipt is timestamped 14:58) cowering in a Juice Press nearby.

At around 17:00, I ran over to Lilia. When I got there, I was told all the walk-in seats had been taken. My mind went blank. The restaurant hadn’t even opened yet. How could all the walk-in seats be taken if the restaurant hadn’t even opened yet?

“We don’t want people to wait in the cold, so when the weather’s bad, we take names for walk-ins before the restaurant opens.”

Fuck. That. Noise. That’s not walk-in seating, that’s day-of reservations. Hell, Sonica lived three streets away and could have popped in at six in the morning to get seats then. I didn’t have to camp out in a Juice Press for two hours for my own birthday dinner.

Sonica arrived a little after 17:30. I was waiting in the adjoining Lilia Caffe to see if anything would become available. There was one seat at the bar, but I didn’t want to ditch Sonica. Sure, I like eating alone, but birthday dinner alone when I had plans to eat with someone else? Ugh.

The hostess brought a manager (I didn’t ask to speak with one!) over because she could see how disappointed I was. I told the manager how I sad I was about the whole affair and she gave me her card, then invited Sonica and I to have drinks and snacks at the Caffe, on the house.

Sonica and I didn’t want to be “those people”, so we politely declined, but asked to stay at the Caffe for a little while longer (it wasn’t busy) while we found another place to go. Of course the manager said yes, so we sat down and looked up the Michelin Guide. While we did, the barista made friendly conversation and pushed the freebies until Sonica got tea and I got a mocktail.

We didn’t have much of either. As soon as we decided on where to go, we made moves to leave, but neither of us had cash for a tip, so I asked another barista (not the one who served us) if she could charge a card for a tip somehow. She said yes.

Sonica took care of the check. We left. After we left, Sonica told me that she had been charged for the drinks.

What the true goddamn fuck?

For the second time that night, my mind went blank. I could not believe that after offering to serve us with compliments, they charged us. The bill itself was not absurd, but the situation was.

I wrote an email to the manager who had given me her card the next day. I thanked her and hers for their hospitality, which was truly commendable, but also noted that I was floored to be charged. When she responded, she apologized, reversed the charge, and helped me get a reservation.

And so, Sonica and I went back to Lilia on January 21, 2019. At this point, the meal is a bit of a blur, but I do have some notes:

• Lilia tries to fully book three turns (wow!) a night, so 150–160 on a slower Monday, 210 on a really good night.
• God bless our server, who had just been promoted from a backserver a few months ago, but it would have been nice if he matched the energy at our table a little more. I like to be a serious eater and learn about my food. He was a little too chipper about everything, so much so that after feeling like I was pulling teeth trying to learn more about the appetizer, I just gave up on asking questions.
• The grilled clams were overwhelmed with bitterness (not sour, bitter) from lemon; I feel as if they were sprayed with too much juice, the fritelle were deceptively simple superstars, the legendary agnolotti lived up to the hype, the mafaldini left too strong of a peppery aftertaste in my mouth, and the dessert was a choking hazard. Jesus, I watched Sonica cough on the chocolate powder, then immediately proceeded to do the same thing onto a plate that immediately became a piece of abstract art.
• Dude, on a night when the high was 14° and the low was 4° Fahrenheit, there was no heat in this restaurant. Is that even legal?

Overall, I’m disappointed. The way people talk about this restaurant, I expected my experience to be cozy and warm. Instead, service was forced and I was physically (lol) cold. As for the food — I’d go back tonight for another bowl of that agnolotti, but again, the way people talk about this restaurant, I expected everything I tasted to be perfect (not even mind-blowing, just cooked and seasoned correctly) and there were things that weren’t.

Once again, ugh. Just ugh.