This is Why You Hate Being Seen Alone in Public
Being caught alone in public is like hell on Earth.
It’s something I’m trying to overcome — the fear of turning around and seeing a classmate (or worse, a coworker) in a restaurant that I chose because I figured no one would find me. Taking myself on dates is something that I’ve learned to love but making eye contact with a familiar face quickly drains my mood and I immediately want to run out of the building.
Just my luck, this happened to me just a week ago.
I found what I thought to be a charming and intimate Vietnamese restaurant in downtown Henderson. The ambiance was dark and calming, and the smell of roasted oxtail felt like a warm hug. I ordered the brisket beef noodle soup and after two sips of the broth, I was in heaven. The beef was fresh and flavorsome, and the noodles were delicate and complimented the tenderness of the meat. I felt like I could never go back to eating anything else.
Then she walks in — an ex-coworker that I had been praying I’d never see again. We make eye contact the second she steps into the building and my mouth goes dry despite me sipping the sweet and sour broth. She grins so big that her teeth show, and I shudder as she calls out a loud, “Oh my God, Christelle!” Everyone turns their gaze to look at who this lady is screaming at, and I start to ask myself why I even try coming out in the first place.
The dreadful feeling that I was experiencing was supported by studies done by Rebecca K. Ratner and Rebecca W. Hamilton, two marketing researchers who realized that going out alone in public was a common phobia. In their journal article Inhibited from bowling alone, their research demonstrates that people were reluctant to go out in public alone because they feared others would find them socially awkward or that they resented being around others. They also anticipated that they would not have as much fun if they went alone compared to if they went with friends. In the case that they had to go out, the participants stated that they would try to go to places where it would not be too crowded.
I found myself in this study since I chose the restaurant because I thought no one I knew would notice me. In all honesty, I haven’t grasped the idea of being content with my own company yet, and the idea that people could find me sitting and looking like I was a miserable and lonely person frightens me. Once my ex-coworker caught me, I immediately thought of never going on a solo date again because I figured she believed I had no social skills and pitied me. Her coming over and chatting with me felt like she wanted to save me from my loneliness, when in reality, I was trying to embrace it.
In short, the research confirmed that people stress about others’ opinions too much to have an enjoyable experience. So, what do we learn from these studies?
Go to that restaurant alone.
Enjoy that movie alone.
Spend time at the museum alone.
Life is too short to think about things that might not happen or the things that people might say. Even if they were to happen (in my terrible case for example), we will never be able to read one’s mind and see if they think negatively of us. We can learn many things about ourselves if we spend time alone and reflect on our thoughts, likes and dislikes, etc. The time we spend alone is when some of our biggest life decisions are made and when we learn the most about our emotions and desires. We shouldn’t block ourselves from getting the chance to make lifelong, meaningful experiences that contribute to self-improvement.
Let’s learn to embrace those times we have alone rather than resent them, so we can learn to enjoy our life journey despite who’s in it.
