Tips For a Successful Solo Date
“I don’t think I want to do this again.”
This is a message I sent to my cousin after I had gone on my first solo date.
It was horrifying. I decided to go out to a favorite restaurant alone instead of waiting on friends to go out with. I didn’t try to dress up — I was desperate to leave the house and get my mind away from everything. When I arrived, the waiter asked me, “Table for two?” which singlehandedly drained any optimism that I had left for the night. I sheepishly told him I was alone and that I wanted a table away from everyone if possible. I spent an hour eating lobster ravioli and staring at the screen of my phone so I wouldn’t have to look at the people who were pitying me.
After explaining to my cousin everything that happened, he sent me a single message that read, “Go out and try again next week…and the week after that.”
After about two more dates, I began to love the thought of spending some alone time. My confidence grew with each passing moment that I spent on my dates and became the time where I could reflect on my week as well as plans for the following week.
If it wasn’t for my cousin’s words, I would have never thought about solo dating again. For those who look to start solo dating themselves, here are my tips to having an enjoyable first date (based on my terrible experience):
1. Dress up. — Do not treat it like you’re out running an errand. Take the time to dress well, get your hair done, do your makeup, etc. It sets a positive mood before the date even begins.
2. Don’t try to separate yourself from those around you. — If you go to a restaurant, sit wherever you are asked to sit. If going to a museum or any other event, don’t keep your distance from others. Most of the time, the people who are there in the same place as you will not look at you nor judge you. Focus your attention more on enjoying your time out than trying to think if the people around you are focused on you.
3. Put your phone away. — According to a 2015 study done by the University of Maryland, people try to seem busy (ex. texting or working on a computer) because they assume that others would judge them for just enjoying their time leisurely. This is the reason why many start to look through their phone when they are alone in public. Avoid using your phone unless you must respond to an urgent call or message. Eventually, your fears of being seen alone will dissipate and you’ll become more comfortable with being in your own company.
4. Always keep an open mind. — Plans can change, whether we are prepared for those changes or not. It could be something as small as the food we chose to eat tasting worse than we imagined, but it has the power to alter our feelings for the rest of the night. Prepare yourself for slight changes in the itinerary and remember that you can still have fun on your day out despite something negative happening. When we control our emotions, we don’t allow problems to get in the way of us finding joy.
Solo dating is not something that people instantly love. It’s a love that grows with time and requires a bit of patience and optimism. By starting your solo dating journey on the right step, you are bound to love numerous outings and events without needing the presence of anyone else.
