When People Disappoint You (Because They Always Do)
If there’s one thing that my pastor has taught me in the numerous sermons he’s given at church during my lifetime, it’s that the only thing that will never disappoint you is God, because He never changes.
Despite hearing this lesson a million times, it slips my mind as soon as I realize I’m bonding with someone. I become overwhelmed with this anticipation and start thinking to myself Oh my God, yes, I’m not going to be lonely anymore. Then, like always, God gives me a reminder that He’s the only being that will never fail me.
A couple weeks ago, I started chatting with a woman that went to the same university as me. She was a criminal justice major and we bonded over the different genres that we enjoyed reading, such as crime fiction and romance.
“No one else I know reads Danielle Steel!” She texted me enthusiastically.
As somebody who doesn’t have many friends, this text sent me into overdrive. I was connecting with someone and I didn’t have to explain anything to her so that we could relate. She knew about books that I thought no one else had read and about restaurants that I thought only I knew. Thus, to seal the deal, I texted her back:
“The semester is over in two weeks, let’s go eat to celebrate!”
She agrees almost instantly. I texted my mom the good news.
Fast forward to a couple days ago. We had been keeping in contact and even moved to having conversations on the phone about our plans for Winter Break. I text her to tell her that I’ll be arriving at the restaurant in about fifteen minutes and she doesn’t reply.
I step into the dimmed Japanese restaurant, where the soft pop music plays in the background and I can already smell the savory noodles from the entrance.
“Hey, are you doing okay?”
No response again. My heart stills and I begin to assume that she’s dead.
I take a seat at a small booth and order myself a mango lemonade because I enjoy drinks with citrus. I try to ignore the fact that my newly formed friendship is already hanging in the balance and that my stomach begins to growl like it hasn’t seen food in weeks.
I scroll through Instagram to look busy. The waitress comes back twice to refill my drink and still, no response. I look at stories on the social media app and I catch glimpses of people at the mall, with family, at work, etc.
And then I see her, in the middle of a girls’ trip to California.
She has half her body hanging outside of the passenger window like she’s the protagonist of a teenage movie, her hair whipping through the wind and her teeth all out in a big grin. She laughs wholeheartedly and turns the camera to her friends who share the same toothy smile. And like a ton of bricks, it hits me.
I’ve been ghosted.
No one ever prepares you for what it’s like to be left alone on an outing. It’s an experience that most people talk about yet no one says, “Here’s what to do when the person you wanted to spend time with decides that you’re no longer important!”
There’s a science behind this act of ditching someone. According to Clarissa Silva, a behavioral scientist who spoke with Elite Daily, there are two types of people who stand you up: those who think they’re making a bad decision, and those who you meet online who are so attached to their “digital world and persona” that meeting someone in person makes them feel vulnerable and insecure. In both cases, it’s best not to expect that this person is going to call you back and ask to reschedule. You also have to take into account that there’s some people these days who just don’t understand the importance that a rendez-vous has. There is such a lack of commitment to them that even the most formal invitations will not merit their presence, even if they initially agreed.
I could go into depth and try to decipher what kind of person my new “friend” could have been. I could spend the next hour or two trying to find meaning as to why exactly she would ever leave me on my own in a restaurant. I could let her absence and this awkwardly rude experience taint the love that I have for dining, pushing me to never enter this restaurant again. However, I won’t.
I continued on with my dinner as if the plan all along was for me to come alone. I ordered a bowl of beef ramen that had my head spinning from its fiery yet sweet meat and drank another glass of that tangy mango lemonade. I exchanged words with the waitress, who told me about how she loved classical music and played the oboe when she was in France for college. We conversed when the restaurant had little people seated about our favorite composers and how we both eventually wanted to play oboe again one day.
To answer the question: What do you do when people disappoint you?
You don’t do a damn thing.
You can never trust someone wholeheartedly to always do right by you. If so, disappointment would be nonexistent. You even disappoint yourself at times and you as a human have been granted the free will to do as you please. How can you expect others to meet your expectations when you inconsistently meet your own?
There is not enough time in the world to dwell and wonder about what could have been. Despite the importance of having emotional and social etiquette, there is no guarantee that everyone is raised to know the rules of being polite and communicating with others. In situations where you have to work and talk with multiple people, you must remember that not everyone is like yourself.
People are not perfect, so disappointment is inevitable. Do not be shocked by the actions of others and learn to expect the expected. As Pastor says, only God remains the same.
