Why I Can’t Stop Going On Solo Dates

Photo by Wyron A on Unsplash

I was an eighteen-year-old in her first semester of university who recently attended a seminar about the importance of friendship, and I assumed rather quickly that friendship just was not for me. The idea of even asking someone to be my partner for a class project made my heart race and I felt that I came far enough in life that I could manage to maneuver without making connections with anyone. Any type of friendship or connection was pointless.

However, I secretly craved those pointless relationships. I wanted to have a friend that I could go to the movies with or eat dinner with and talk about everything going on in our lives. I began to develop an envy of people who could communicate well because I lacked the social skills to do so. I started to realize that I was resenting myself for not being able to fight my fears of interacting with others. In an effort to cool myself down and reflect on my feelings, I took myself out to eat at one of my favorite restaurants. In those two hours, I had to fight off feelings of embarrassment as it felt like a thousand eyes were on me, the lonely woman in the corner. Eventually, however, I began enjoying my own company and building a loving relationship with myself. Though I am still learning about myself every day, there are a few things solo dating has taught me in the past three years that convinces me to continue taking myself out:

1. I’m opening up more to others. — Social interaction used to torment me. When sitting in a restaurant or bar alone, you’re bound to have people see you sitting alone and wanting to greet you. The idea of having to introduce myself to others was daunting and embarrassing. These days, I have learned to be welcoming. I’ve realized that it wasn’t the social interaction that scared me, it was the idea that people may not want to conversate with me. After facing my fear and pushing away those negative thoughts, I smile brighter when I see new faces and I find happiness in learning about others. I couldn’t have imagined being this joyful when I was eighteen.
2. My feelings are easy to understand. — Julia Cameron’s book The Artist’s Way gave me the inspiration to continue daily journaling but to do it while on my solo dates. Reading about my thoughts and emotions makes them so much more palpable and real. I no longer have a bitterness in me when I can’t decipher how I’ve been feeling during the week.
3. I feel loved. — Solo dates are the times where I can cherish myself. I don’t have to think about my school assignments or the terrible work environment I suffer through. For once, I can put myself first and reset from all the negative things that happened during the week.

Solo dating became my essential self-care tool. It has allowed me to become more present and learn about myself, so that I can start to learn about others. My relationships with others have started to flourish and I’m finding joy in interacting with people for the first time in my life. Solo dating has been such an exhilarating learning experience, and I plan to continue going on these dates for the rest of my life.