Finding Ourselves

Conformity is typically expected by those who are drawn to the rigidity of consistency

We all have two aspects of ourselves that are connected within us. One is our inner being that is only accessible to us, and the other is our external personality by which others know us. Our awareness of the latter is derived from how they interact with us via their external personalities. There are infinite combinations of these that represent how we live our lives in society. Yes, it seems obvious, but not everyone is aware of their interactions to the same degree.

Personal temperaments determine how well we interact with others. These are complicated interactions. When they are “good,” friendships and positive feelings are dominant. When they are “problematic,” distrust and negative feelings — to varying degrees — undermine relationships. The famous phrase “the road to hell is paved with good intentions” confirms how complex human nature really is. For me, my inner pragmatist has been essential in dealing with this reality for decades.

Beyond our inner/outer selves there are our values and assumptions. These are not necessarily linked to our internal/external personalities because not all of them are shared with everyone we come in contact with. Only those closest to us may be aware of them, and even they may not know all of these. There’s often a range of contradictions within our values and assumptions that verify the complexities of humans. It explains why political “divisions” such as conservatives and liberals often represent far more diversity than one might assume.

We really have no obligation to conform to meet the expectations of others. It’s not about being dishonest or inconsistent. Conformity is typically expected by those who are drawn to the rigidity of consistency. True believers often refer to this as having real values — religious and/or political. But the term “values” is a generalization that fails to align with realities. Being “inconsistent” is not a shortcoming but rather is recognition that issues are complex and cannot simply be reduced to right and/or wrong. Add to this that we change to varying degrees over time.

The typical lifespan for many in the twenty-first century is often some eight decades — at least in developed countries. Thus there is more time to change one’s mind on a wide range of topics and issues. And more time for experience and wisdom. Or not. For some, longer lifespans can mean even less tolerance and patience, and more desire to reverse course. But younger generations are far greater in number and will eventually replace many of the more conservative. For those in less affluent areas, the younger may be conservative on some issues, but not all or even many.

Societies increasingly exhibit greater change over time because modern societies typically experience more changes for the greater good. Perhaps not for those with little opportunity and much poverty, but the overall trends are — in the long term — mostly positive. This gives citizens more ways to find themselves. It is, however, also going to require more effort by citizens to address long term issues that will have significant negative effects for all — such as climate issues.

As individuals, finding ourselves shows up in many ways for many reasons. We discover and learn even when we don’t necessarily recognize it’s happening. Assumptions are modified or replaced more easily because we are in “the world.” This doesn’t require endless traveling and seeking experiences in faraway places. It’s more about an open mind and awareness. With more than eighty percent of humans living within metropolitan regions, learning opportunities with continuous change and innovation are common.

By nature I’m constantly observing, reading metropolitan newspapers and absorbing information from a variety of sources. I’m part of urban/suburban life where I live and where I go. Finding ourselves is really about being part of society. We all have our private lives, but these private lives are also part of society. Even this blog is part of a larger picture because you’re reading it. And thank you for that.