Goodbye Tom
It’s been written that happiness is not a goal but the result of a life well lived
When I was younger I went to concerts regularly, mostly in Los Angeles, but over the years that has become reduced to a fairly selective list of artists. My wife and I are now down to favorites, still mostly in L.A., which was also home for Tom Petty. So, just two weeks ago we enjoyed seeing him on two consecutive nights at Hollywood Bowl (he would end his tours by playing for hometown fans). It was a shock to learn of his untimely death at far too young an age ten days after seeing him.
Like so many do, we take note of and sometimes feel more when someone famous dies, perhaps because it’s a reminder that fame and wealth will not protect against the inevitable expiration of every human lifespan. At the same time, being famous doesn’t always — or even often — mean being talented, gifted, creative. And even with those who meet these criteria, there are still human frailties, shortcomings and idiosyncrasies common to everyone. The death of someone famous simply for being famous doesn’t have the same meaning to many of us.
Tom Petty certainly had his personal demons, but he was unique in what he wrote songs about and how he went about it. Listening to those at his concerts singing his lyrics back to him was proof of that. He loved what he did, he loved music and he really loved his fans. He fought for fair pricing of albums and concert tickets because he remembered what it was like to not have much discretionary income. He often noted that being in a rock band with musicians who were good friends playing music for fans who loved their work was more important than anything else to him. It lasted for forty years.
But he’s gone, and for millions of people, some famous in their own right, the loss goes deep. As an artist who was genuine and open about life’s complications, joys and disappointments, his lyrics and music resonated with many. We have the legacy of his work, and pragmatically that should be enough…but it doesn’t feel that way. The balancing of rationality and reason with feelings and emotion is tricky at best. The inherent irony of being pragmatic is recognizing that it works better than anything else…until it doesn’t because it can’t…and then accepting that being sad is precisely the right thing at the right time for the right reason.
A cousin in L.A. told me he went to the first show with friends but went back for the third one by himself, telling one friend that it was the final show of the tour and he simply had to go. And that’s really the point. You never really know what the future holds. A week later…
I’ve noted numerous times that randomness is a predominant reality in our universe, and also in our lives. Yes, we think we’re in charge and have control, but that’s because the uncertainty of random events, by definition, represents unanticipated and unexpected change. The list of potential changes is very, very long, and we cope by not dwelling on the concept or possibilities too much. There’s nothing wrong with this, but sooner or later we all find ourselves dealing with events and circumstances that will range from life-changing to life-ending. We can’t prevent or prepare for these, so we’re left with coping. Or as Tom would put it, “I’m learning to fly…but I ain’t got wings.”
It’s been said that songs are poems set to music. Tom spent his life writing songs that cross generational boundaries. One could see this at his concerts, with at least three generations among the 17,000+ plus fans…all singing along with him because they knew the words to his musical poems. Those of us who are older contemplated that some day this would end…for him and for us…but of course that would be somewhere down the road of time, many years away. You know…coping
His final interview — two days after the last show at Hollywood Bowl — was with a reporter from the Los Angeles Times, and while he admitted the days of fifty-city tours were behind him, he had many projects ahead of him. He noted that “I just have to learn to rest a little bit, like everyone’s telling me. I need to stop working for a period of time.” It’s been written that happiness is not a goal but the result of a life well lived. Pragmatic words to live by. Goodbye Tom.
