Resolutions Lost
It had become obvious that I’d never actually implemented or sustained any new year resolutions
Writers are often mistakenly expected to have profound wisdom to offer when one year ends and the next begins. After all, it’s a time of reflection on the past and hope for the future. And it’s also a time for resolutions — the well-intentioned but doomed-to-failure attempts to start each new year with goals…at least one but often more. Losing weight, physical activity, staying in touch or whatever seems important: they’re all worthy goals, but not necessarily realistic. How many of us even remember them by February.
I gave up on new year resolutions many years ago. It had become obvious that I’d never actually implemented or sustained any of them…whatever they were. I can’t remember even one. In truth, these resolutions are a social convention that confirms how easily human nature subverts our intentions no matter how good these may be. This is a pragmatic reality. It takes motivations well beyond simply knowing what might be best for us.
On the basis of the numbers of articles and books written about overcoming the mental and psychological detours we take to avoid accomplishing what we believe we should, the inherent futility of new year resolutions is not surprising. Some people have more willpower than others — my wife is one, but even then success is dependent on what the goal is, and who it’s for. That is, is it for one’s self, for someone in particular or for others…or a combination of these. Being ourselves versus what others expect might turn out to be the real issue.
I’m also highly suspicious of what happens to those who find their resolutions in seminars or weekend retreats, or in religion. The emotional rush of these discoveries is more relatively superficial than realistically functional, and masks the complexities of issues. Simple answers are unlikely to have universal application as is, and the euphoria of believing one has found the key to success in dealing with life is more illusion than reality. And, like new year resolutions, few can sustain the ah-ha high for long.
Effecting real change in ourselves is a process that works best over time, and is more about awareness and implementing it than sudden realizations, setting goals on a time line or seeking simple answers. Resolutions tend to be long on goals but short on implementation details. And they are unlikely to be thoughtfully integrated with day-to-day life. It won’t take long for the goal to fade in importance and priority.
Making slow but steady progress toward a goal changes one’s way of life for the better without over-complicating things. These kinds of lifestyle changes are both effective and sustainable. Not, mind you, that progress is always constant and consistent, but overall it gets you further and keeps you there. Small changes can have large longterm consequences without drama, noise and stress. And it doesn’t matter if it’s the first day of a new year or the 151st day of the year.
It’s the same kind of approach that comes from not having too many rules. Rules can be good and often necessary, but too many and too rigid are not going to make life easier, although definitely a lot less fun. It’s about finding balance and being considerate of others. Some stuff matters more than other stuff, and accepting how most of life is in a vast grey zone of possibilities and options and thus choices and decisions is more valuable than any resolutions made at the start of a new year. At least for pragmatists.
I tend to favor the theory that the absoluteness of resolutions makes them more likely to fail. More often than not there is more than one way to accomplish things one believes matter. My analogy is when I’m working in Photoshop. There is invariably many ways to accomplish the same goal, and it often comes down to the way one finds most natural or easy to remember or is the least complicated. As long as one is pleased with the results, it doesn’t really matter.
Starting out each new year is similar. There are lots of ways to get through each one…just find a way that feels right and works for you. And you can always tweak and change whenever you want regardless of the day of that year. When I think about it, the only new year resolution that I actually kept was when I decided these resolutions were the problem, not the solution. So, it turns out I did remember one, and it was the one that really mattered.
