Choose your illusion
Finding ways to reflect on your year that suit you
It’s that time of year when self-reflection workshops may have been sprouting up on your feeds. They certainly have on mine. I feel that is a good thing, but it helps if you can choose a reflection session or exercise sequence that suits you, and how you want to move forwards.
I was going to announce a session of my own this year, using some of the tools from my upcoming book. I was about to announce something to gauge interest when I saw a post from a friend for an event. I didn’t want to compete with my friend who ‘got in there first’ with his collaborator. And I’m glad I didn’t as I need it for myself more. I managed to get a sneak peek behind the scenes when they were preparing, and I was impressed with what they had planned.
So, I’ve just come out of that end of year reflection and refocus workshop with Nirish Shakya and Josie Downey. Nirish being the friend, and Josie been someone that attended one of my first public Shaping workshops many years ago. A beautiful serendipity. The session was a beautiful mix of yoga, music, guided prompts, free writing, journey mapping, internal visualisation, idea sketching and letter writing from my future self.
Reflection needs space and time
The session was a great length of time for the activities with plenty of space within and between the exercises. Three hours of held space with some masterful patience from fellow attendees and hosts as we shared raw and vulnerable stuff. It’s important to leave enough space to think.
Some beautiful surprises emerged from attendees. Powerful insight into some of their challenges and some emerging clarity on ways forwards.
Opening doors, not necessarily a shedding of the baggage
For me, I opened many doors to return to later in the coming couple of weeks. Exercises feeling a little incomplete, but valuable. So much I know I missed that was valuable. But it’s hard to know which exercise will be most useful to you until you start doing it.
I’ll definitely be deep diving into my year’s journey map, and doing something with the amazing photos I scrubbed past.
A lot happened, a lot to process
I’ve done a lot this year. I’m sure you have too.
It always surprises me when I write my Friday Thanks, who I have connected with, let alone the things I have done away from others.
Most of our lives are full of stuff. Activities, objects, thoughts, feelings, memories, people, animals, our environments and so much more.
It’s hard to get a handle on all that even when you have three hours. Or usually less. And yet, we rarely give ourselves even that amount of time each year. We often just keep on plodding on.
I think it’s incredibly valuable to reflect on how much you have actually done. All the things you have learned. What you’d like to take forwards with you and what you’d like to leave behind.
Some reflection exercises take a lot of time
I have been trying to use the Year Compass for a number of years, and I struggle to get through it all these days. It’s just hard through the festive period. Especially when you’re a parent.
Last year I experienced a few live events alongside and I found them insanely valuable. Including Tutti Taygerly and Irene Salter’s free session where I ended up with my word for the year of ‘Groove’ after a rich visualisation of a jungle.
I also try to do one of Andrea Mignolo’s reflection exercises. There’s an openness to that one, so you may be able to do it quickly, but many of the questions probe really deep. You often find the simplest questions to be the deepest.
The learning goes on beyond the session
People often look at these workshops or exercises as a quick fix wrap-up before they can come up with some aspirational resolutions for the new year. Lose x kg, give up alcohol, go to the gym y days a week. But the deeper learning and development goes on far longer after the initial pot stirring that can happen. You shouldn’t even have to wait until the end of the year.
What is uncovered in these sessions, can sometimes open the doors to self-understanding for years after.
The value of regular reflection
This year I am indebted to Lilli Graf who has been holding space every month for a monthly retro reflection session called ‘Sense and Respond’.
More here:
An incredibly simple structure. Loads of space. And sometimes some sharing afterwards. I am always amazed at how much I have done. And also what I have learned and experienced in one month. I always feel so much lighter and happier afterwards. I should probably find all the paper sheets and review as part of a deeper reflection. It would be so rich.
And that’s when I pause…
Is there that much value in getting an exhaustive view? Of making sure I am thorough?
For me, I feel compelled. Through other exercises in the past I have realised how valuable it is to go through my photos. That certainly helps put a positive spin on the year as we rarely take photos of our darker moments.
And also my calendar. To jog my fallible memory. Helping prompt the real memorable stuff. But I appreciate that some people just want to move forwards and don’t have the time, money or the self indulgence.
I’ll post some examples of things you could look at for your own reflection process below. Whatever you do, I encourage you to do something.
But before I do, I want to share some different dimensions that these reflection exercises often use. These building blocks can maybe help you build your own reflection practice over time. I’d advise experiencing someone else using them first. I just list them here as a reminder of certain aspects you might consider.
- Questions: ideally the simpler the better. eg, Who are you? What do you want?
- Space: What kind of space is offered. Usually a Zoom call these days. But could be in a meeting room, if shut off from distractions.
- Safety: confidentiality maintained, ideally not recorded, no screenshots, no audio transcription of your fellow attendees’ perspectives
- Groups: Solo, mid-sized open group, breakouts with two or more
- Time: Looking back, looking forwards
- Perspectives: Future self, past self, other people
- Cadence: Annual, quarterly, monthly, weekly, sprint
- Music: Ethereal, ambient, upbeat, ideally not with vocals singing distinguishable lyrics
- Writing: Free writing, or prompted lists by categories
- Mapping: using a tool like an experience or journey map, a radial dial or other spatial tool
- Speaking: sharing reflections with other people
- Drawing: Sketching ideas, visualisation
- Movement: On floor, in seat, stretching
- Senses: eyes open or closed.
- Breathing: Calming, stress-relieving
- Accountability: writing letter to self, sharing with someone else
I’m sure there are more that you have experienced too
Choose and use your illusion
Whatever reflection exercises or sessions you invest your time and money into, I hope that you can use the learnings from them as directional insight for the future.
But it’s worth bearing in mind that whatever comes out will be biased by your memory, the probes, and how you are on that day. Amongst many other things. Each provoking an illusion of what happened or who you might be in that moment. Now I don’t believe that to be a bad thing. I believe we live in a form of illusionary world anyhow. But you have a choice of how you want that illusion to be framed. More positively. More accurate based on data used in services. More provocative. Kinder. Or firmer.
So, choose your illusion. And use it into your year ahead.
Some different tools and sessions you can invest your time (and sometimes money) in.
Some end of year reflection links, and tools to consider. I hope you do something rather than nothing. I’m pretty sure any of the below will be valuable to you.
Andrea Mignolo’s At the end of a cycle: https://methodandmatter.com/essays/end-of-a-cycle/
Fairly open format, with some pretty deep questions and a letter writing exercise
A second version of Nirish and Josie’s Reflect and Refocus event is still available as I write this:https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/reflect-and-refocus-registration-763843164467
The year compass
https://yearcompass.com/
Pretty full on set of questions with full on calendar audit that can take some time.
If you want to go full on into your data (beyond the Year Compass or as better memory jog), I wrote a piece about mining your data from different services here in the article, Your data-informed self-reflection
https://medium.com/service-advent/your-data-informed-self-reflection-db9b96e24c7d
And Lilli Graf will be hosting one last Sense and Respond event this year. I hope it continues for next year:
https://lu.ma/ayuu4edd
Happy reflecting
