Exploring perceptions from multiple perspectives
Reflections on some simple ways to explore multiple perceptions from multiple perspectives on your self and others
A few evenings ago in one of Liz Citron’s monthly Success By Design sessions, the wonderful Wendy Castleman shared a tool that helps you when things feel a little off.
I’m not going to share the tool here (without permission), but right after the session I suddenly connected the dots with a few other things that have come up for me with fellow coaches, and connections over the past few weeks.
Namely…
- A Jungian shadow exercise
- A Johari Window feedback exercise
- A tool around values or personal qualities
- A co-created tool on Perspective deltas
A Jungian shadow exercise
In one of my coaching supervision sessions earlier this year, we tried out a Jungian shadow exercise. I won’t share the whole thing, but give you the gist below.
Imagine someone that really rubs you up the wrong way. You know, the person that really winds you up and pushes your buttons. You may have several. But just start from one.
If you were to delve deeper into why they might be like that, you might see things in your shadow. The darker sides of your self. The things you may want to suppress, have tried working on and are extra sensitivity to.
How much do we judge others based on the way we judge ourselves. I certainly do.
More on Jungian Shadows here: https://www.thesap.org.uk/articles-on-jungian-psychology-2/about-analysis-and-therapy/the-shadow/
And you should certainly check out Eva-Lotta Lamm’s Little People product here: https://evalotta.shop/collections/all-products/products/littlepeople-pairs.
Johari window feedback exercise
I reviewed a brilliant post about a feedback exercise and tool connected to the Johari window. Using traits you select that best represent you, and getting others to select the traits they think best represent you, you can explore the deltas and the overlaps. I’ll link to it when it goes live.
For now, here’s more on the Johari window:
https://www.mindtools.com/au7v71d/the-johari-window
Prioritising values and qualities
In my Shaping workshops I often use a bunch of qualities inspired by and adapted from an engagement with the brand agency SomeOne. I get people to pick their top 5 words and then weight the ranking of each totalling 100. This can be used individually, but also in a team to get some early consensus of the team.
There are always questions around perception and perspective:
- Do I do it on who I really am, or how I show up at work?
- At this job, or in other jobs?
- Is it how I am now, or how I want to be?
You can find out more about the origination story and how to do it here: https://medium.com/shapingdesign/values-prioritisation-3fbe84112fe3
So, it depends on your context and motivation for usage, but you can use all those frames.
The power of exploring perception deltas
All of these ‘tools’ encourage taking perspectives. Perspectives of self. Actual perspectives from others of you. Your own perspectives on them.
It reminds me of a model, not necessarily a tool, I co-created with Martina Hodges Schell. I call it Perception Deltas.
The idea is that you have perspectives from yourself, and from others.
You could even have multiple others and wrap it around a fuller circle if you wished.
And also that you have different levels: Truthful, Situational, Aspirational.
Truthful
Who you really are vs who they think you are.
This is closer to the ‘authentic self’ and the perception of that authentic self from others. This one is the hardest one to probe. It’s hard to learn who you are, and people’s perceptions of you will always be based around their limited interactions with you in different situations.
Situational
How you sense your behaviour vs. how they do.
This is the land of feedback and reflection. You can reflect on how you behave in different situations, but to know how others perceive your behaviour, you have to get feedback, or just plain ask them. Getting to what they really think is super tough much of the time.
Aspirational
And what you aspire to vs what they want from you.
This may be hard too, but it’s easier when you know who you are, and how you see yourself in different situations.
It can also be informed by others’ perceptions of you in different contexts, how they infer the ‘true you’, and also who they need you to be. But it’s important that you don’t lose yourself in adapting to what they want. That’s the tricky thing. Especially if you have the need to be loved and appreciated. Like so many of us do.
Much of the coaching work I do, is based around changing perceptions of self, or the perceptions of others, and the perception of others on you. These very simple tools can help. And I imagine there are many more that could be shared in this line of thinking.
