How Will We Count It All?
This is a parody written for Ecocentric Media. Find more info about Ecocentric here.
Ask any environmentalist if they believe in climate change, and they will likely say yes. Some will go as far as to say that it isn’t about belief, but rather these are the facts. I don’t have a PhD in environmental science, but what I do know is that there are no facts in science. Anything can be disproven. Which is why it hurts me so much to see these new, young, radical, egalitarian, caring, antifa, communist, liberals advocating for a Green New Deal. I thought we were done with this nonsense, but apparently not.
Must I remind the world that printing $18 trillion over the next 30 years for the Green New Deal (GND) will use a lot of paper? Think of all the trees that will have to be cut down. Environmentalists need to stop pretending like they care about the rainforests.
Say we do print all this money, though. Some would say that we could simply use electronic bank notes and avoid environmental destruction, but I don’t think they understand how money works. Everyone gets paid for their job in cash. I do, anyway, and it saves me a great deal on taxes.
But again, let’s say we print all this money. How are we going to count it? I could probably count maybe 50 bills a minute, given that I have breaks. Over the course of a work day, that’s probably 24,000 bills~day. If we print all the funding for the GND each year on $100 bills, that leaves us with 180,000,000,000 bills.
It would take me over 7.5 million days to count them all, or well over 20,000 years. By the time I count them all it would be the year 22657, and the GND’s goal of hitting net zero emissions by 2050 would be over by a few months. After I had been counting for 20,000 years, I would be tired. I would like to have a day off somewhere between the years 10,000 and 15,000, although I realize that this would mess up production.
Say we hire other people, though. Nothing gets done alone. If we wanted to count the money in a year (which I think is a doable time frame), we would need to hire 20,548 people to count them all. All $18 trillion bills.
Not only would this be a massive hit to the economy, but it would cost a lot of money. If we pay them all $15/hr (like the liberals want to), then it would cost us an extra $112.5 MILLION. And that’s with working 7 days a week for a year straight. I don’t want to pay that bill or do that job — do you?
Also, you’d be hard-pressed to find a person who wants to do this, meaning that the Do-Nothing Democrats would have to employ slave labor. Hmm, I thought liberals wanted “equality” and “justice for all.” Interesting.
I really wish AOC and her gang would consider all this. I’m glad us classical economists think about the true human welfare cost of bills.
I’m sure that the GND will become feasible once technology advances and we don’t actually need paper bills anymore, such as if we could somehow send money online. Until then, keep chopping down trees, eco-terrorists.
