Help me I’m on Tinder: I tried to build an army to conquer Vegeta
I’m a little bit conflicted about listing my interests in my Tinder profile. As we’ve seen, so much as saying what my job is has lead to an onslaught of questions I get tired of answering, and strange behaviour surrounding the more nerdy interests of mine.
But last night, a miracle happened. Honestly, it’s probably the best thing that has ever come out of Tinder for me.
I suppose it’s best to start by showing you my Tinder bio:
Every interest listed in a Tinder bio becomes a talking point. I’ve been asked by at least 10 different people what I thought about Rogue One. Sometimes, we’ll get into a conversation about one of these topics, and that might turn into deciding to go on a date and maybe smooch. A lot of the time men like to challenge my knowledge about Star Wars or video games — which is really annoying.
This time; however, something perfect happened.
The concept of a man in his late 30s or early 40s who goes to Laser Quest enough to memorize the course seemed so surreal to me that I quickly found myself googling to find evidence. And I did.
The Iron Man Mission is a 30 minute game, whereas a normal game is 15 minutes. You move around a lot in Laser Quest (which is part of the reason I like it!), and so 30 minutes can be kind of exhausting. But, according to Laser Quest Montreal’s Facebook page, this man won 3 regular rounds AND 3 Iron Man Missions. This man, he is a legend.
His name, Vegeta, is a reference to a Dragon Ball Z character. In the photos I found, he does in fact play in a Dragon Ball Z shirt made to look like Vegeta’s uniform.
I haven’t watched Dragon Ball Z since I was a kid, and even then it was in passing, but in case you aren’t familiar: Vegeta is a Saiyan soldier whose dad is the king of Planet Vegeta and who is best known for being shorter than Goku, another Saiyan. He is the only one who wears traditional Saiyan armor, and from what I remember he’s kind of a jerk. His hair is black but when he goes “Super Saiyan” it turns yellow for some reason. Honestly, I’m not going to pretend I understand Dragon Ball Z at all. I feel like I have to rewatch it now, though.
I want to defeat Vegeta. I want to defeat him in as many rounds of Laser Quest that I can possibly handle.
So, I decided I needed to recruit others to help me in this mission.
At first, I started explaining the Vegeta situation to the Tinder matches that had already asked me about Laser Quest.
This didn’t work out so well. Most people didn’t take me seriously. I received a lot of patronizing emojis and empty promises. None of my Tinder matches were as passionate about defeating Vegeta as I was. Certainly, no one understood the weight of the battle at hand — nor were they prepared for it. I was baffled.
I decided I needed to cast a wider net. So, I went through all of the people that I matched with and hadn’t started conversations with, and asked if they played laser tag. All of them.
This also mostly worked to my disadvantage. Many people AREN’T EVEN PLAYING laser tag. Nevermind, being good at it. Also, many men are gross!
It appears that the men of Tinder simply aren’t as interested in defeating Vegeta as I am. Luckily, I’ve had a few friends reach out to me on Twitter saying that they would help me out. Vegeta will be defeated, but truly Tinder has disappointed me yet again.
To see all of my posts on Tinder, find the list here:
