How do I get over a crush?

Ron Responds #11

QRON, HELLO. I have real feelings for a good friend who has a bf, and they’re both in a very serious relationship. I’m not gonna be weird or try to make a move, I’m not that kind of person. I like my friendships. But I don’t know how to process these emotions in a healthy way! Please Help

AFirst of all, I’m glad you’ve chosen to respect your friend’s commitment to their boyfriend. It’s important to recognize that what you want from a person might not be available to you.

A good place to start would be to question where your feelings for this person are coming from. Given that they’re in an existing relationship, and assuming that they’re monogamous, this person is likely putting their emotional energy elsewhere. Is your attraction to this person primarily physical? Is your attraction to this person based on a need you have that isn’t being met elsewhere? Are you projecting a relationship with this person that might not be there?

I’m not trying to question your attraction to this person, nor your feelings. I do think it will be helpful, however, to evaluate your feelings for this person and understand why you like them so that you can move on.

Given that they’re a good friend that you might spend a lot of time with, it might be a good idea to take some time alone to get some perspective. Temporarily (and gently!) removing the person from your life for a short amount of time can help you understand what that person means to you and your every day life.

Understanding your current relationship with them as well as where your feelings are coming from will help you to put your emotions in perspective. Reflecting on these things will also likely help you grasp what you’re looking for in future romantic endeavours!

All the best,

Ron

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