How do I get over people hating me?

Ron Responds #3

QFive years ago, I abruptly blew up my life and moved across the country, which involved breaking up my long-term relationship. She kept all our friends, and also started up a new relationship immediately afterwards, so I was like “great, fair game.” Recently, I was on tour and played in that city and I found out that not only does that group still actively hate me, but I’m referred to as Voldemort. Seems a bit extreme! I know groups need a common enemy, but my leaving lead to a lot of good things for myself and for all those people. I just can’t stop thinking about all these people who I love now, five years later, grinding out a hatred of me. I’m not that hateable! How do I get over it?
— Left and Leaving

AYou can’t make people like you. If people have it in their head that you’re Voldemort, it’s going to be a tough sell to get them to feel differently. Especially from a distance.

It’s probable that your ex was hurt when you left, and had a lot to say about that. Given that you weren’t there to provide the other perspective, your friends likely empathized with her and became closer to her.

I’m sure you left for a reason, but as you said, it was abrupt. Changes like this can make other people feel chaotic and unsettled. They have every right to feel upset, and you have to accept that. If you’d like to repair these friendships, you have to acknowledge how your actions made them feel, and talk to them about it. They might not be responsive, which is also their right.

You can’t control other people’s emotions or how they respond to you. The best thing you can do is make sure that you like you. Take a look at the relationship, and the friendships that you’ve had with these groups of people. Were there common things that you might have done that could have upset them? Don’t be too hard on yourself, but in these situations it’s always a good opportunity to spend some time reflecting on what you can do to better yourself.

These friendships might be repaired, or they might not. Either way, using this situation as a way to grow and understand yourself better will be the best way to move past it. You’ll have make new friendships in your new city, and those relationships will be stronger for it.

Best of luck!

Ron

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