Is it cowardly to refuse to be in a long distance relationship?

Ron Responds #12

QAm I a coward for refusing to be in a relationship with someone I have feelings for but don’t want to do a long distance relationship?

— Donny Law

AShort answer, no. You’re allowed to set boundaries for yourself and your relationships. That isn’t cowardly, so long as you communicate what your needs are to the other party.

Long distance relationships are tough. I think they’re feasible, however, if everyone involved makes the best effort to manage the insecurities that distance can call focus to. This can be a ton of emotional labour, and if you’re not able to commit to that, the relationship will likely not end up working out.

I do, however, think that completely writing off long distance relationships as a concept is perhaps short-sighted. They’re a lot more feasible than they used to be 20 years ago, and a lot less difficult. I think it might be wise to consider whether it could work, if you have feelings for this person, so that you understand why it won’t work — if that ends up being your conclusion.

It’s completely up to you. I encourage you to communicate with the person why you’re making the choice to not start a long distance relationship. Be clear about what your hang ups are. It isn’t cowardly to make that choice, but it’s responsible to communicate it well.

I wish you the best,

Ron

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