Reflections on Homeschooling
Why homeschooling might be better for your child…and for you.
I’m father to a 15 year old boy and a 2 year old girl.
My son has attended a wide range of schools:
- Traditional public school in New York City (just like the one I went to as a kid), to a
- Progressive private school in New York (no grades, no walls between classrooms), followed by a
- Traditional private school in Los Angeles (uniforms, lots of homework,tough grading, aggressive fund raising), then a
- Down to Earth private school in Hawaii (relaxed and friendly),then moving on to
- An alternative private school on the island of Bali in Indonesia.
From these varied experiences, I feel that I’m roughly qualified to reflect upon the nature of modern schooling in general and the possibilities that homeschooling offers as a serious alternative.
When I talk with other parents I meet at social events, birthday parties and playgrounds, the mere mention that we’re considering homeschooling our daughter sends most of them into a state of facial contortions, followed by some typical and obvious objections: “but how will she get socialized?!” and the like.
I must admit, the thought of homeschooling our daughter does seem like a daunting task and is therefore a little scary. After all, what right do we have to “experiment” on this lovely, angelic creature? What if we screw it (and her) up? Would she ever forgive us and would we ever forgive ourselves?
In this essay, I’d like to explore the pros and cons of homeschooling in a hard-nosed, no-nonsense fashion. But before I do, I must answer a most basic question:
What is Homeschooling?
Every homeschooling parent defines it in a different way but I define it as follows:
Homeschooling: Educating your children without sending them to school.
In my view, it’s that simple. If you’ve educated your children without sending them to school, then you’ve homeschooled them, regardless of where they did their learning; whether it was at home, on a boat sailing around the world, or in the jungles of Peru.
My definition of “Educating” is not as simple but almost as straightforward, and has 5 components:
- Teaching your children to master reading, writing, speaking, mathematics and logic;
- Exposing them to science, history, literature, art, music and philosophy ;
- Physically exploring music, dance, art and athletics;
- Teaching them the principles of successful living including ethics, productive habits and attitudes, and caring for themselves and others;
- Teaching them the fundamentals of practical life, including finance, decision making, persuasion and getting along with people.
In my mind, if you’ve done these 5 things then you have educated your children fully and fulfilled your sacred duty as a parent.
Assuming for now that you roughly agree with my definition of education, let’s explore how homeschooling stacks up against school-schooling in each of these 5 domains:
1. Teaching your children to master reading, writing, speaking, mathematics and logic
School: While school may teach each of these subjects, I have serious doubts as to weather it is conducive to mastery in any of them. My main objection concerns the way in which school approaches the progression of learning: A subject is taught, an exam is given, and if a student achieves a “passing grade” of 75%, the student then moves on to the next level of that subject. This means that while not mastering or even understanding one-quarter of the subject matter, the student moves on anyway. In my mind, this is a major problem with schooling and contributes to the student having a shaky foundation in just about every subject. I don’t blame schools for moving things along in this manner; after all, there are 20 or more students in the class and the teacher can’t wait until every student has achieved mastery of a subject before moving on. This would hold back the majority of students in the class and it would surely take too long to cover the syllabus.
Homeschool: When you are teaching your own child, you simply don’t move on from a subject until your child has mastered it. Because you’re not operating under a rigid schedule or teaching other people’s children, you have the luxury of time. You’re not rushing to get somewhere by a certain date, you are aiming for mastery of the subject matter. For example: first your child masters addition, then they master subtraction, then multiplication, then division. They become so good at these fundamentals that they can literally “feel” the numbers. They can perform calculations in their head that would surprise most adults, they can make change instinctively without a calculator, they can literally think mathematically. I would prefer this total mastery of basic math to a mediocre command of algebra and geometry any day of the week. The same principle applies to the other fundamental academic skills of reading, writing, speaking and logic.
Salman Khan, the founder of the online school Khan Academy put it nicely when he said:
What constitutes a passing grade? In most classrooms in most schools, students pass with 75 or 80 percent. This is customary. But if you think about it even for a moment, it’s unacceptable if not disastrous. Concepts build on one another. Algebra requires arithmetic. Trigonometry flows from geometry. Calculus and physics call for all of the above. A shaky understanding early on will lead to complete bewilderment later. And yet we blithely give out passing grades for test scores of 75 or 80. For many teachers, it may seem like a kindness or perhaps merely an administrative necessity to pass these marginal students. In effect, though, it is a disservice and a lie. We are telling students they’ve learned something that they really haven’t learned. We wish them well and nudge them ahead to the next, more difficult unit, for which they have not been properly prepared. We are setting them up to fail.
2. Exposing them to science, history, literature, art, music and philosophy
School: School does a decent job of exposing kids to a wide range of subjects, however I don’t believe it exposes them properly to any of these important subjects. Centralized curricula are developed by educational academics which are meant to apply to all children at certain ages, regardless of whether or not a particular child is ready for or is in the proper frame of mind to absorb the material. For example, I remember as a high school student being forced to read several works of Shakespeare, even though I was personally not ready for or well adapted to this type of literature. Because of this, I developed a deep-seated antipathy to all things Shakespearean, which has stayed with me to this day. Other books I was forced to read growing up were the so-called classics of modern literature like Catcher in the Rye and 1984, which I was too young and immature to appreciate and also found dark and scary, which impeded my appreciation for literature. In addition, most schools do a poor job of teaching art and music history and completely ignore philosophy, viewing these subjects as either not worthy of early academic study or too advanced for younger children. The upshot is that parents get virtually no say in the subjects taught to their children and are left instead at the mercy of “the system” to educate their children.
Homeschool: Because a parent knows his child better than anyone, he can adapt the subject matter to the appropriate level and inclinations of that child. My aversion to Shakespeare would have been clear to my parents, had they been homeschooling me, and I would therefore have been spared that traumatic experience. My appreciation for and love of literature could have been kindled by reading other books more suited to my personality and inclinations. In addition, had my parents (in conjunction with me) been running the show, I could have been exposed to a wider range of subjects, instead of going deeper into subjects that were of little interest to me but had been included in the curriculum by distant and unknown administrators who were trying out the latest academic fashions on other people’s children.
3. Physically exploring music, dance, art and athletics
School: Most schools don’t even try to instill in their students an awareness of and appreciation for music, dance and art. They certainly don’t create a framework wherein children can practically explore these subjects as a permanent part of their education. At best your child will be given the opportunity to learn one instrument in an orchestra like setting, taught in an uninspired and assembly-line fashion. As for dance and art, forget about it; these will most likely be forgotten shortly after fingerpainting time in Kindergarden, unless you count a once a year class trip to your city’s largest museum as art exposure.
Homeschool: In contrast, a homeschool curriculum can include music, dance and art as fully integrated subjects. Starting from when your child is 2 or 3 years old, music and dance classes can be attended weekly and as a matter of course. Art museums can be visited by the whole family once a week if desired, at which many free classes are offered, including lectures about art and actual sketching courses. In short, your family can decide exactly which types of music, dance and art can be emphasized and in what quantity and quality.
4. Teaching them the principles of successful living including ethics, productive habits and attitudes, and caring for themselves and others
School: As far as I can tell, these subject are not taught at all in school. Your child is expected to pick up these crucial skills as if by osmosis, with no special attention devoted to them. There is an entire genre of books devoted to teaching these skills in the “self-improvement” section of most bookstores, and I have personally found these works to have been of paramount importance in my own development and self-education. Classics like How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, The Success Principles by Jack Canfield and many others should absolutely be required reading in every elementary and high school. Unfortunately, most school teachers themselves have never read these works and would probably not be allowed to teach them even if they had.
“My diploma from the Dale Carnegie course is still hanging in my office, even though my college and graduate school diplomas are not. Because that course changed my life.” Warren Buffet
Homeschool: If and when we homeschool our children, these types of books will be read and these subjects discussed on a continuous basis from early childhood on up, and accorded the same importance as the traditional academic subjects. These subjects are the context within which the content of all other subjects make a practical impact on a child’s life. In addition, a quality homeschool education would include the study of the biographies of many successful men and women in a wide range of fields, so that children will be exposed to the most inspiring role models available.
5. Teaching them the fundamentals of practical life, including finance, decision making, persuasion and getting along with people.
School: Subjects like these are rarely ever taught in school, despite their being crucial life skills. Financial eduction is the quintessential example: growing up, my parents didn’t teach me anything about money or finances, and my schooling certainly didn’t either. As a result, I was catapulted into the adult world after college scrambling to figure out basic financial skills like how to balance a checkbook, how compound interest works to make you richer, what is the function of insurance, etc.
Homeschool: A solid homeschool education would include the study of classic works of financial education,for example Rich Dad Poor Dad by Robert Kiyosaki, Basic Economics by Thomas Sowell, as well as The Intelligent Investor by Benjamin Graham.
Of course every family must decide for itself which works it considers “the classics,” and that is at once the responsibility as well as the beauty of homeschooling.
Let’s look at more of the pros and cons of School vs. Homeschool, from the CHILD’s perspective:
SCHOOL: Children are grouped by age and advance at the same pace, grade by grade. HOMESCHOOL: All your children of various ages are grouped together and learn together, with the older helping the younger.
SCHOOL: Each subject is taught in equal and fixed time periods, for example, 50 minutes per class. HOMESCHOOL: There is flexibility to decide how long should be spent on each subject according to the specific needs of the children.
SCHOOL: The teacher “broadcasts” a lecture and the student sits quietly, “receives” the information and take notes. This model makes it difficult for teachers to forge personal connections with students. HOMESCHOOL: Many different methods are used to convey information besides simply broadcasting it, and the parent works though problems with their children, thereby forging deep bonds between them.
SCHOOL: Children work on their homework alone in the evening.Homework is rarely reviewed in class. HOMESCHOOL: There is little or no homework, most work is done during learning time with the parent and the children can relax in the evenings and enjoy family time or hobbies.
SCHOOL: The teacher is viewed as the enemy, as someone who will be judging and evaluating their work with potentially negative consequences. HOMESCHOOL: The teacher is viewed as a coach, as someone who is supporting the child in being successful.
SCHOOL: Students are embarrassed to admit they don’t know something because they are afraid of being judged. HOMESCHOOL: Child knows he will need to master each subject before moving on, there is no “hiding out.”
SCHOOL: Tests are used as a way to judge who has done a good job and who a bad job and to rank students accordingly. HOMESCHOOL: Tests are used only as diagnostic tools to identify gaps in learning that need to be addressed.
SCHOOL: Teachers care about their students but mostly in an abstract way, the way one cares about humanity as a whole. Very few of your child’s teachers will forge a truly deep connection with him. At the end of your child’s school education, if he looks back fondly upon one or two special teachers, he can consider himself very lucky. HOMESCHOOL: No one can possibly care more about your children than you do. Their struggles are your struggles, their successes your successes. I imagine that the connection forged between a parent and his homeschooled child must be one of the strongest connections imaginable between human beings.
SCHOOL: Your children are being placed under the tutelage of strangers about whom you know nothing or very little. Does one really know the background or qualifications of the teachers at your child’s school? I highly doubt it and should you want to investigate this it would most likely be considered inappropriate and even rude. Do you know if your child’s math teacher was even a good math student himself? Do you know if your child’s teachers possess the personal qualities of character and integrity that you are hoping to inculcate into your own children. Not likely and there is probably no way to even find out. And even if you were to know these things, what could you do about it? At most switch them to another school where you would have to start over from the beginning to investigate another set of strangers. When we refer to this school as a good school and that school as a bad school, we are relating to a school like a brand, with little direct knowledge of the flesh and blood human beings who will actually be our child’s teachers. HOMESCHOOL: You know your own strengths and weaknesses better than anyone, and can figure out ways to patch together the best possible education for your child. For example, I am excellent at math, but not so good at literature. My wife is not so good at teaching math, but proficient at reading, writing and understanding literature. For sure I will be the one who will teach our children math while she will teach them English. Neither of us is musically or artistically inclined, and we know this about ourselves, so we will have to outsource this aspect of our child’s education, with external courses and teachers who specialize in these areas.
Some of the pros and cons of School vs. Homeschool, from the PARENT’S perspective:
SCHOOL: Parent is a chauffeur shuttling kids back and forth to school each day, making a total of at least 4 trips per day. HOMESCHOOL: Instead of spending so much time commuting, this time can be devoted to teaching and learning.
SCHOOL: Public school is free but private school has become unaffordable for most families. HOMESCHOOL: Free or extremely low cost, not including of course the opportunity cost of the teaching parent who is not earning an income during teaching time.
SCHOOL: The best hours of the child’s day, when he is alert and awake, are spent away from the family and with strangers. The family gets him back when he is tired, hungry and cranky. HOMESCHOOL: Parents can spend the best hours of the day with their children, thereby enjoying them more, and not just on weekends.
SCHOOL: With commuting time, actual school, after school activities, chores, meals and homework, kids can get exhausted and not get enough sleep. HOMESCHOOL: Parents can tailor the workload to enable their kids to achieve a more balanced lifestyle and get enough sleep. Plus the saved commuting time can instead be used for rest and rejuvenation.
SCHOOL: School schedules are the same for everyone and are quite rigid, with missing school made difficult and consequential. Travel is only possible during scheduled vacation time, which is usually the most expensive, crowded and unpleasant time of the year to travel. HOMESCHOOL: School schedules are flexble and travel can occur during the “off-season” and is therefore cheaper and more pleasant. Attractions are less crowded and more enjoyable.
Let’s talk about socialization:
One of the main objections most parents have to the notion of homeschooling is the belief that their kids would be deprived of important socialization with other children. One pictures a homeschooled child sitting at home alone with his parent all day, staring bored into a homemade easel.
This might be close to the reality if a parent has only one child and attempts to homeschool him alone. With several children, this problem is much less pronounced.
In addition, homeschoolers often band together with other homeschool families into so-called “homeschool co-ops” in order to bring their children together for field trips, playtime and other activities. Whereas most children who attend school only have friends their own age, homeschooled children are much more likely to have a wide age range of friends, grouped more according to their interests than merely to their age.
Homeschool students can also participate in sports teams, dance lessons, music lessons, theater and other extra curricular activities which bring them into contact with other children.
In discussing with my wife the possibility of homeschooling our daughter, it occurred to me that we don’t have to wait until she is 4 or 5 years old before we can start homeschooling her.
In fact, we are already homeschooling her whether we know it or not. We are reading to her, speaking with her, teaching her language and vocabulary, counting, teaching about animals, nature, the seasons and many other lessons of life. Every parent is naturally homeschooling their infants and toddlers, whether they think of it that way or not.
But at some arbitrary age they assume that they must now pass on this crucial job to a set of strangers about whom they know almost nothing and who care about their child much less than they do.
It has become a truism of the present day that most people consider our educational system somehow “broken.” However, they have either become resigned to it staying that way or they continue to complain about it in a low-grade fashion, never quite doing anything about it except complaining.
Homeschooling is a serious and potentially life-changing alternative to the traditional way of educating your children and should be explored and considered by all parents who recognize the crucial role that education plays in a successful life.
Addendum: December 3, 2013
For American readers who are worried they would mess up their child’s homeschooling, this recently released OECD chart should put you at ease. Take a look at how US students compare with kid’s in other countries; you would have to try really hard to not outperform this.
