*This post may trigger some. Read at your own discretion.*
What I’m about to share is something many women may face, but it’s not often discussed due to judgment. My thoughts are from my personal experience with having children. There is a mental load that comes when we carry children. The main one is not knowing.
We can get monthly and weekly sonograms, and everything may look good. We can eat healthy and manage our weight. But then something goes wrong that’s beyond our control. Something that we cannot fix no matter how hard we may pray or cry about it.
When a baby is in the womb for nine months, each day seems like a year – waiting for a kick or wondering if the heart is still beating. We walk extra carefully so we don’t fall and hurt the baby. With any small amount of blood, we panic.
Yes, pregnancy is a happy time; however, I don’t see anyone express the dark side of it. The what ifs that play in the mind. That thought process continues until after the birth. Many of us have a hard time dealing with the pregnancy. So, to me, pregnancy is a tricky mind game because you don’t know. You don’t have the assurance of knowing if the pregnancy will last or if you give birth prematurely.
I wondered if I ate something wrong that would affect the baby. I wondered if I was eating enough and if the baby was growing. I wondered if I would get Gestational Diabetes because of the sweets I craved.
Pregnancy is glorified because life is being brought into this world, but at the same time, pregnancy can add to mental illness in a way as well. I speak for myself. If I didn’t feel my baby kick for a certain amount of time, I panic. I think something may be wrong.
Or if I start to spot, will it end up in a miscarriage or a stillbirth? I didn't know how not to worry during pregnancy. I had no idea of what was going on in my body.
Carrying children can be very traumatizing, and I think it's time more people discuss it. I still shake because of the horrible thoughts I’ve had during my pregnancies.
The only suggestion I can give someone pregnant is always to think positively and focus on the present moment. Every appointment and every kick take as a win, and carry that positive feeling with you daily.
Should my daughters decide to marry and have children, I will tell them about the mental load it can add to them. I wish it weren’t that way, but it is, and I think it’s something more women should be able to discuss. The more I learn, the more I will share.
Well, I hope this post has helped in some way. Let’s remember both sides of pregnancy and start talking about it more. I’ll see you all soon. ❤️
