TRUE LOVE IS ABOUT BEING SELFISH FIRST

Everyone goes through a phase in a relationship where they want to give everything selflessly to other half, adhere to every demand of him or her and do everything needed to make them happy. The so called ‘Selfless Love’ is the starting point of every relationship.

Eventually, that selflessness fades away and is overtaken by other negative emotions — jealousy ( when his phone is constantly busy) ,envy( when she goes out and laughs with her ‘just friends’), hatred and so forth.

But it should not be like this. What is the way so that feeling at beginning of any relationship (of being selflessly devoted to the other person’s happiness) continues? So that love deepens with time.

As hard and unfathomable as it sounds to accept, the only way to achieve selflessness and true love is to be selfish first.

The question arises in mind, Being selfish…. wouldn’t it hurt the relationship?

If you are thinking so,you’ve confused ‘Being Selfish’ for “Not sharing the only piece of bread left with you”. Here it doesn’t mean that.

Here ‘Being selfish’ doesn’t mean being mean, rather it means loving yourself first.

It means not sacrificing things at the beginning of a relationship. It means not sacrificing at the start of the relationship which you don’t want to just to make him or her happy at the cost of your happiness. It is necessary to do so at the beginning only — not forever.

Why being Selfish is important?
We all are given the wrong notion about being selfless in love. We think of giving everything we have to the other person, accede to every demand they have and sacrifice our own happiness as soon as the relationship starts (because everything is about him or her in the beginning). We keep on giving and giving and sooner or later we become empty. We had an iota of love within us and we directed all that energy towards the other person. i.e The flow of energy (of love, positivity, selflessness, honesty etc) was from inside to outside. After a while we find ourselves completely empty. We have nothing more to share.

No Matter how much you want to be selfless in love, after once the honeymoon period ends, you can’t. All that you are left with is negative emotions and you find yourself sharing them.

You start getting jealous and you call it immense love. You get angry and frustrated and you call it reaction of not having him or her by your side. You get insecure and you call it fear of losing her or him because of the immense love you have.

Consider this: if there was true love, wouldn’t it be enough to keep both of you together?

The right answer is that there is no love remaining now. The container of love has long been empty. You don’t have anything to give now. You try to act with remaining energy (negative) which you have.

What would have happened if you were selfish at the beginning ?

Remember, Selfish means loving yourself first instead of giving everything you have to the other person.

Don’t sacrifice even the tiniest of things for him or her. You do what you love first. YOU LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. You don’t accede to every demand of him or her at the cost of your happiness even if it means drifting apart for a while. No matter how scary it feels to do so.

Everybody has seen those mean people we call “Selfish” in our lives towards whom everyone is attracted. Try to remember those Selfish men who love themselves. Every man wants to be in their place and every women wants to be with them.
Yes, they are attractive because they love themselves first.

Now let me remove the “negative notion” that is forming in your mind regarding being “selfish”.
When you do what you love first, when the first person you care about is you and you don’t do anything at the cost of your happiness then the flow of energy changes. Obviously when you are not giving anything, nothing goes out and the flow of energy reverses from flowing outside to inside.

As time passes, the sphere of life around you(think of yourself as the king/queen of a small sphere of life around you where everything is about you and you only) gets full with energies of love.

You will have so much positive energy. Not only did you love yourself ( you shared the amount of love you had inside you with yourself) but also everyone would be giving you their positive energy such that you get full up to the brim.

When you love yourself you find so much treasure inside you that needs to be shared. What is that treasure? It is that you are not a container which has some limited quantity of love
BUT A SOURCE OF POSITIVE ENERGY OF LOVE. Now the cycle is complete — It starts flowing from the inside to outside. Only when you love yourself first would you be able to discover your hidden potential of infinite positive energy.

A great thing will happen. Once you have learned to love yourself first, you will have so much energy of love inside you that the extra amount flows out automatically. Everyone around you will feel positive and in high spirits. Now you don’t have to care about being SELFLESS to give what you have — everything becomes automatic.

True love is not forced. We don’t have to think about loving the other person or even sacrificing something for them. It becomes automatic by our very nature. It just happens so naturally that you don’t even notice( Or keep score).

The relationship and love deepens with time.You don’t become empty. Negative emotions do not originate.You and your partner will be bound together with positive energy that is so powerful that you need not get insecure in the hardest of circumstances.

From this point only TRUE LOVE can be ignited and not the other way round.
An example of true love is the one that you have with your pet.
You don’t need to sacrifice anything for it as soon as it enters your life.You don’t stop going out with your friends or loving them. You don’t stop loving other pets in the house just to get its love. Yet the love between you and your pet deepens with time.

Learn to be selfish first. Love yourself. You are the most important person and your happiness matters as much as anybody else’s .

Become Selfish, Become the Source.
REMEMBER — If you don’t love yourself first, how can you expect the other person to do so?

-The Himalayan Philosopher

The blog has been shifted to medium.com/@iamshikharchaudhary .