Engaged Listener

When we’re having a conversation,we are always focusing on what we have to say. This is why we often fail to put in the same effort in the other half of the conversation: listening. Not only does listening mean understanding the words and information stated but it also mean understanding the emotions being communicated.

What separates a proficient listener and a poor listener? Knowing the difference between active listening and simply hearing. Somebody like Lawrence Robinson, a communication expert from the website helpguide.org would definitely know the difference. In his article Effective Communication, he even explained the steps to become an engaged listener. As Mr. Robinson writes, “When you’re an engaged listener, not only will you better understand the other person, you’ll also make that person feel heard and understood, which can help build a stronger, deeper connection between you.” (2018) In other words, when you put in the effort to give the speaker the attention that he/she deserve, then the speaker will put more effort into communicating in return. Likewise, if the speaker feels that you are not paying attention or feel ignored, then he/she will put in less effort or even stop talking.

If you think that there is room for you to improve on becoming a engaged listener, here are a few tips to help you achieve your goal.

Give Feedback A great way to provide feedback is by paraphrasing what the speaker said, especially when you’re thrown off track or confused during the conversation. Two common phrases that are used to reflect are “Sounds like you are saying is…” and “What I’m hearing is…”. Remember to ask questions for clarification and don’t simply repeat what was just said.

Don’t Interrupt Keep in mind that being a good listener is not waiting for your turn to talk. Try not to change the subject or cut off the person who is speaking even its unintentionally. It is easy to tell if someone is bored or unamused so if you want to be a good listener, sometimes you just have to act like one.

Have an Open Mind For most of us, setting aside our judgement is probably difficult to do. Withholding your criticism or blame and putting away your judgement to completely understand them doesn’t mean you have to agree to their opinions and values.

Website:

Robinson, Lawrence. “Effective Communication.” Effective Communication: Improving Communication Skills in Your Work and Personal Relationships, Jan. 2018, www.helpguide.org/articles/relationships-communication/effective-communication.htm.