In Order To Grow, Act Counter-Intuitively every day of this year
This mindset article is about how counter-intuitive thoughts are often right, but are hard to act on. I’d like to share some advice that will help you with your resolutions. I was listening to training material from Eben Pagan (a very successful online business trainer) a few weeks ago and his point about doing counter-intuitive things really resonated with me.
What does easy and hard mean?
In the examples that we’ll be looking at below, I’ll use the term ‘easy’ to mean things that are intuitive — we (or our primitive animal behaviors) would act this way without thinking.’Hard’ means that we have to do some processing before acting, and this often leads us to ‘take the high road’.
So let’s start with some simple examples.
Imagine the early humans searching for food to eat.
Easy: Eat the grains right now.
Hard: Plant the grains now, and reap the harvest later (after some labor)
When someone offends or disagrees with you:
Easy: Snap back or hold grudges against that person. I’m right, they’re wrong.
Hard: Consider why that person is saying that — maybe they’re in a bad situation? Maybe it was something you did earlier? You don’t know.
When you get an attractive person’s contact info (fun fact: Eben started off as a dating advice expert):
Easy: Contact them the same day and letting them know several times how you liked them.
Hard: Wait a few days before reaching out and not expect anything to come out of it.
These were just a few examples Eben gave, but it applies a lot to our lives as we attempt to improve ourselves.
More Easy/Hard Examples
You’ll notice that the easy things are just things that anyone would do, while the hard counter-intuitive decisions and actions have to be learned. If no one ever told you the ‘right’ way of handling the situation, you may not even have thought about doing it that way.
Let’s go over a few more that I’ve learned from personal experience (I still struggle with some a lot of these):
When your kids do something wrong:
Easy: Yell at them and show your anger.
Hard: Keeping your calm and telling them how it makes you/others feel in a gentle voice.
When you’re out/eating with friends and family:
Easy: “Quickly” checking your Email/Facebook feed and see if someone replied to that smart thing you said on some thread.
Hard: Spend full attention with your friends and family and schedule a set time to check Facebook and reply later
When you need to get in shape:
Easy: Saying to yourself that you can do more exercise tomorrow
Hard: Scheduling (and then doing ) 30 min of exercise
When you’re in a competitive work environment:
Easy: Being adverse with your colleagues because you think that by sharing anything with them, you’ll be giving them an edge and you won’t gain anything.
Hard: Helping them out without expecting anything in return. Or go find a job at another environment that values teamwork.
When you’re at the computer about to get a project done (another one from Eben):
Easy: Check your email or read up on the newest thing (most updated news/gossip), playing a quick game of ____, etc. for a few minutes (which ends up turning into hours)
Hard: Decide the ONE valuable task you’re going to take on before sitting at your desk and shutting everything out, then dedicating all your concentration to that one task .
When you need to just finish “that thing” during night time:
Easy: Stay up late and get ‘some work done’.
Hard: Go to bed, wake up early, then do that work.
How do you do the hard things?
You’ll find that it’s quite difficult to do the hard thing when you’re tired. You see, your willpower is not something that you can just summon at any point in the day, it actually is like a phone battery that is full at the beginning — depending on how well you rested — and is depleted after every ‘hard’ decision you make. (Source: I’ve heard this in Eben’s productivity course and read this in top productivity books like ‘Deep Work; and ‘The One Thing’).
These books and courses teach you to save your willpower by forming habits (where your ‘autopilot’ decision is to take the high road) and by using your willpower and concentration early in the morning on the important tasks that matter most.
When you wake up to take on each day:
Easy: Just act on autopilot and do what you’re told.
Hard: Think about what you’re doing next. Create new and fulfilling things.
Be more aware of your “default” decisions the next time you’re trying to get stuff done. Seek out ways to get you thinking in a different direction.
Please share your own ‘easy/hard’ actions for some situations you’ve encountered recently.
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