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“Santa Prime” (Letter to Santa 2018)

Dear Santa,

We’re huge fans. You know this. And we’ve always been so impressed by how you give to so many.

We’ve also been impressed by how you remain such a huge cultural icon by only working one day a year.

But why work one day….when you can work NO days.

Sooooo…we signed you up for Amazon Prime.

They’ll deliver, for free, in just two days.

And they carry pretty much everything that you deliver.

We’re not saying you should retire, just outsource the most labor intensive portion of your job.

You’ll have more time to focus on social media and reindeer games.

And speaking of social media, you may have to start a #stopleavingoutmilkandcookies hastag.

But we can cross that bridge when we get to it.

Not trying to tell you what to do. You do what feels right. But if you *do* decide to outsource delivering presents to all the children of the world. Make sure you order through our affiliate link: (

Merry Christmas!


Jimmy & Johnny

Santa’s Response:

Dear coolstynbros,

You make some good points. I’m just not sure I’m willing to let go of the control. I keep my list, checking it twice, to see who’s been naughty or nice. I need that list to be up-to-date up to the delivery moment. A lot can happen in two days!

If I were to work NO days, as in “retire”, I think the children of the world would panic and/or be naughty. That would NOT be a pretty picture!

And I’m NOT interested in stopping the milk and cookies. I LIKE carbo-loading and the sugar rush.

So I will continue to do what I think is right. You’re both good-meaning but out of touch.

Remember to stay on the NICE LIST!

Merry Christmas!




Wacky Holiday Traditions & Santa Gifts Gone Wrong

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John Halcyon Styn

John Halcyon Styn

Life Artist. Pink Evangelist. Love Ambassador.