John Halcyon Styn
Dec 25, 2019 · 2 min read
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Dear Santa,

You’ve got a great track record with your Xmas eve productivity. But what about the rest of the year? It’s time to stop wasting reindeer labor and pigeon-holing yourself into an industry that only has demand for ONE night a year!

We propose a partnership with “DOOR DASH” to create the world’s FIRST food delivery service that focuses on North Pole eateries.

Why limit yourself to toys!? With your drug-fuelled slaves…I mean, “mystical, well-treated reindeer,” you can magically deliver food all over the world! That means that everyone can now enjoy the menus of such delicious regional restaurants as:

Yule Thai — featuring Pole-to-pole fusion dishes like Mock Penguin Curry

Spaghetti & Sleigh Bells

Tundra Sushi (featuring elk & moose rolls!)

Burger Cane

TGIF (Thank God Its Figgy) the popular “build your own” pudding bar and tasting room

North Pho-king Pole

Santa’s Hamburger Helper Lounge (although their “Endless Gingerbread Basket” will not be available for delivery.)

And craft cocktails from “North Pole” & “Sugarplums” (the highest Yelp-rated gay & lesbian elf bars, respectively.)

You then collect a modest service charge for every delivery.


Sound *appetizing*?

Let’s do lunch.

Love you,

Jimmy & Johnny.

2019 Santa Response

Dear Jimmy and Johnny,

I think you’re on to something. People need food every day so there would be unlimited demand. And because of my advanced delivery system, I could probably run the other food delivery folks out of business. Plus, by using the chimney method, we’ll save a lot of time.

This could be a great income producer AND do it year round. I like that CHA-CHING idea.

I think maybe we should start fazing out the Santa letters and toy delivery and concentrate on the Door Dasher. (Dasher particularly likes that name for the enterprise) I mean, really, aren’t we all a little tired of all these toys?

So, do you know anyone in marketing who could help us? I’m excited about this new direction.

Let’s go for it!




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