Global Warming Santa Fashions (Letter to Santa 2009)

John Halcyon Styn
Dec 22, 2016 · 3 min read

(For the last 15 years, my brother &I have left “adult” letters to Santa every Xmas Eve….and Santa always leaves a sassy response. It is our family’s weird “Holiday Improv.”)

Dear Santa,
We at the Eggnography Institute for Yuletide Research are dedicated to maximizing the Xmas experience for all good little boys and girls (plus related icons and subsidiaries.)
Due to recent climate change research we can no longer endorse the current “Father Christmas” uniform that has been used consistently in recent decades. (With the noted exception of the “Neon Santa” outfit that was used briefly during the 80’s.)

While the fashion statement is still effective, the world temperatures simply make a full body winter suit to be uncomfortable in 2009, and no doubt dangerously hot in coming years.

So we have had our researchers use the latest in computer simulation technology (as well as cutting edge weather forecasting software) to design the ideal apparel for your future world-wide toy runs.

2009 (Current.)

2010

2020

2030

We hope you are as excited as we are about our aquatic Yuletide future! Thanks for everything and enjoy the rest of your night!

Merry Xmas,
Jimmy & Johnny, Eggnography Institute for Yuletide Research.

p.s. Please leave some spit, sweat or semen in the glass so we can begin working on your genetic modifications.

********* SANTA’S RESPONSE *********

Have a Merry Christmas and be nice to your mother.

  • S

Eggnography

Wacky Holiday Traditions & Santa Gifts Gone Wrong

John Halcyon Styn

Written by

Life Artist. Pink Evangelist. Love Ambassador.

Eggnography

Wacky Holiday Traditions & Santa Gifts Gone Wrong

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