Self Driving Sleigh (Santa Letter 2016)

Dear Santa,

We knew it was only a matter of time: The era of the SELF DRIVING SLEIGH is here.

Just program in the addresses of every boy and girl on the “Nice” list and away you go! You don’t even need to take off your gloves to type them in. It has voice-activated Siri & Amazon Echo integration.

No longer will you be dependent on a reindeer with a nasal birth defect to get you to your destination. (Sure, Rudolph will go down in history — much like George Washington — but it is time to call “Game Over” on that outdated reindeer game.)

So enjoy your final Christmas Eve in the driver’s seat and look forward to a much more relaxing trip around the world next year!

With love,

Johnny & Jimmy

P.S. Don’t worry, your job is safe. We still need you to deliver the presents from the sleigh to the tree. The Autonomous Chimney Bot is still a few years from being production-ready. (It keeps getting hung up on the “Naughty vs Nice” subroutine.)


Dear Johnny and Jimmy,

Pretty spiffy sleigh!! I don’t know why we didn’t think of enclosing the sleigh before. For years I’ve had the wind in my face, but it’s frigging COLD up there! Sometimes I’m so frozen when I make it down the chimney that I can barely keep hold of the cookies. (I’ve dropped many a glass of milk over the years.)

So this being the last year of freezing my butt off is welcome news. I think I’ll use my extra time tweeting. I’ve heard from others that the wee hours of the morning are designated for tweeting. I like to be trendy.

Thanks for the heads up. I look forward to a more relaxed Christmas Eve in the future.

But this year I’ve got to get my hinny in gear…lots to do in one night.

Don’t forget to drive carefully and have a wonderful year!

Love to you and your family,