The Next Big Thing Always Coming From The Modest One: The Art of Listening

The simple thoughts inspired by The Power of Charm by Brian Tracey and Stop Worrying Start Living by Dale Carnegi.


When i was stayed and living with my grandpa in the middle of 90's, i was reminded by his a sheet of paper on the wall. Its not an order from him, it was just simple ancient proverbs:

Silence is golden.

My grandfather had similarity persona’s with his elder son who also my father: both of them were calm — quiet person.

Maybe he was inspired from Muhammad Ali with his philosophy of silence itself: “Silence is golden when you can’t think of a good answer.”

Subsequently, the day i learned a lot about rules in life. I finally understood along the way, it’s not about the silence, but silence is just a second smooth transition on how to act since the art of listening is one of it pairs.

Daniel Goleman on his “Emotional Intelligence” also conveys the importance of being connect emotionally with people using our EQ. Added by Howard Gardner of Harvard University which had defined the quality as “social intelligence.”

The most highest paid and most respected form of intelligence in current society is by transforming our self value by becoming a good listener.

There are four crucial parts to be effective listener.

The first one, “Listen attentively.”

This is the “Happy Drug.”

He was under biochemically, his brain released, took — out the endorphins. The Happy Drug.

What did he feels?
His self — esteem massively gradually increase and he trust by virtue of our listening attentively to him.

Secondly, “Pause before replying.”

Hold our breath for three to five seconds, don’t be in hurry. Just slow down, relax. Think before we try to reply — argue back.

By pausing, we are doing 3 things happen, all of them excellent.

First, avoid interrupting the other person if he is just pausing to reorganize his thoughts and ideas.

Second, by pausing, we tend to be more selective and considering what is the important, necessary or chit — chat words from our mouth.

And the third, he’s surely convinced; we are listening from the start he was speaking.

Third, “Question for clarification.”

We often assume whenever we threw some questions; we are the one who didn’t received well the process of information during previous conversation.

Unfortunately, it was wrong. The exact rules of communication is: the person who asks questions has control.

By answering the questions were spoken by us, the person is speaking to answer our question is fully 100 percent of his focus and attention is on what he/she is saying.3

The last one will be: “Feed it back, paraphrase it in our own words.”

When we able to consider he’s done by his own words, we have to give him feed back which aligned with his topics.

By asking serious question, without been accused negatively by him, we convey the body language’s message: i am put huge attention by giving you back few question what i thought it was important for me

Examples: “You just did this? what’s the best moment afterwards? have you ever felt badly because of those?.”

Just don’t try to be phony! remember.

Many things we are going to cultivate just by doing the art of listening, tolerance and avoid of self — arguing which doesn’t have bright summary and benefits.


// egoegi.