I think of death often. Sometimes the thoughts make me laugh or intrigue me, other times, I’m deeply sad.
Today, I’m sad. I don’t think I’ll ever “find love” in my lifetime. It doesn’t bother me on other days but sometimes, on days like this, I’m distraught. I’m too far gone for anything to happen. Far gone means my life has been shit in matters like that.
The vulnerability is beautiful to watch in other people. How light love makes one fly, how happy it makes them. I don’t know how to do that. I hate myself too much to think me important to another. See? I watch from the outside. It’s a party I’ll most likely never attend. Sad.
I’ll keep watching though. And writing. And maybe fantasizing.
Tomorrow, I may wake up fine. Fine means that I’ll not bother about never being in love. It means that I’ll tell myself to focus on working and making enough money/value for my family. To make life much easier for them. My life purpose.
But yeah, what if we could enjoy a lick of love?
Never mind, we would never find out the feeling.
Authored by u.
