A Year That Changed Everything

by Patrik Horváth

It’s common to summarize our experiences and share some memories at the end of a year and although I have never done such a thing, that shall change now. The reason why I decided to do this is because 2015 was truly a mind-blowing year for me and I cannot be grateful enough to be able to live it. If I look back I realize two major things:

• you can change your life and live the way you want to live it
• you never know what’s coming, only the present moment can be experienced

As I write these line I almost relive every moment and I hope you’ll enjoy this journey too.

Being vegetarian for a year

Until a few years ago I didn’t really care about my health — at all. I ate what I had starved for in that moment and that’s it. This unhealthy behavior started to change around three years ago and after a few months I had the chance to get in touch with different vegeratian cuisines and after many good experiences I decided to leave meat behind. I made some compromises in the beginning though as if I really crave for some part of an animal I would chose it carefully and don’t eat junk. In the first months this feeling came up a few times, but as time went by so the feeling was gone.

I started to feel much lighter and ate less than before, however after a few months the ethical part of vegetarianism also came to my mind. Somehow I felt that much more animals want to get closer to me and most surprisingly I wanted to get closer to them as well. From that point I could no longer consider them as an ingredient of any of my meals. I also discovered however that consuming too much dairy products make the skin on my face rough and red. After years of using strange skin creams and shampoos it was such an unexpected discovery.

Ashtanga Yoga as a daily practice

I started to practice yoga exactly three years ago and I will remember that day until the end of my life that’s for sure. After a few months I ended up at an Ashtanga Yoga led class and because I really liked it I went to practice every week (once or twice). The major change occured when I joined the traditional mysore-style class at the end of August, 2014. I started to wake up early in the mornings and practiced among other people by myself, so nobody led the class. The teacher was there to assist us and the breathing was the only thing you could hear in the room. It was such a weird, but inspiring experience.

I left the afternoon led classes behind and focused on the mysore classes from that point. I practiced three times a week (sometimes four) and this was the time when the underlying, the deepest changes started to evolve. One of the most respectful and skilled teacher, Govinda Kai arrived in the middle of January to lead the mysore classes at the shala (yoga school) where I’m practicing for one and a half months. Although I never heard his name before everybody around me who had participated at his workshop in 2014 was cheerful and excited so much so I started to feel some really good energies among us by the time he arrived.

As my teacher asked me to come six times a week as traditional practitioners do after Govinda arrives the changes inside me started to speed up. We can say that my practice got to be a new habit in my life, but not the way people drink coffee or smoke a cigar. The morning practices give me the opportunity to get closer and closer to my real self, to change, to experience feelings I never experienced before and to let emotions come to the surface which were hiding somewhere really deep down in me for years or sometimes decades. As the practice turned out to be one of the most important part of my days we can say that Ashtanga Yoga is most likely a lifestlye for me now, neither a habit, nor a workout.

The first festival of my life

I never wanted to go to festivals in my life as I couldn’t imagine myself jumping and swinging and do other ridiculous stuff among unknown people. Although I knew none of the artists I decided to stay home and listen to the songs I like instead of going out to the wild, to the unknown and feel like deep shit.

This time it was way different. I saw that some of my friends are interested in a festival which is very close to lake Balaton and it’s not just about music, it’s about yoga and other performances as well. In one of my unconscious moments I decided to buy a ticket for all four days and just go. I didn’t know how I will tolerate sleeping in a tent, walking on dust, but surprisingly I stopped making excuses not to do this for once in my life.

It turned out to be one of the best decisions I made last year. I get closer to many of my friends as well as myself, I got to know new people and I really enjoyed being there at the Samsara Festival. I let myself experience the music, the classes and the people as they are — without making judgements in advance. I somehow felt that this is the perfect place to be right now and I didn’t want to be anywhere else. I don’t know how I was brave enough to dance at the Dragon Nest for Suduaya’s best melodies or how I could just lay on the ground at Full Moon and listen to Asura’s masterpieces without reminding myself that I’m doing nothing in that moment and probably wasting my time. Oh, and by the way I drank two gin-tonics that night which others will note for years since then as I have never ever drunk alcohol before and after. They were laughing when I said that I wanted to drink something which has little or no sugar in it and it’s not water.

The festival had such an impact on me as I have already bought my ticket for the next one which will take place this year.

New music genres were discovered

As I started this blog with a post about how much I care about music since the age of eight you probably won’t be surprised as I can really be in love with music genres which I didn’t know before and found something I can really like in them. At the Samsara festival I heard psychedelic trance (or psytrance), goa trance and psychedelic ambient (or psybient) songs for the first time in my life, however both genres have long histroy — especially the former one. As I closed my eyes while listening to them I had very strange, but quite positive feelings. I also had emotions which I have never had before this way. I don’t know much about the background of these genres on the science part, but they can be truly magical as you feel freedom while listening to them.

It is so funny that I was listening to other kinds of electronic music before (downtempo, space ambient, chillout, lounge, etc.), but somehow I didn’t find any of these genres or maybe I didn’t like them back then. I will never forget how these songs made me shiver and how they can erase any problems in my life at least for a while.

Although I missed Hang Massive’s opening at the Samsara Festival I had the chance to experience Matsumoto Zoku’s performance which can be best described as world music. They have in common that they use musical instruments which I never heard about before and they can give you the same feelings and emotions as the previously mentioned psychedelic genres. Both the hangdrum (or handpan) and the didgeridoo can make you sense the world around you a bit different.

One last genre remained which is truly the most interesting one as I had no connection with any similar music in my life. I can say that I listened to lots of electronic music for a while so probably psytrance, goa trance and psybient didn’t come out of the blue. But singing mantras? Oh, man, what happened to you really?

It was not so long ago when I listened to the dirty side of rock and metal music all day, from which you can feel the power, but most likely the anger or fear. As I belive that music can heal you it can also destroy you in the same way. It was really uplifting to experience the other side of what music can give you. It’s so obvious to listen to hiphop, R’n’B or different kind of rock music, ’cause they can change your mood in a way you would like to kick out the walls of the house. But who would like to break out into tears while listening to a melody? Probably not so many, as we human beings are often afraid to express and experience our emotions fully as they are. We, most of the times try to hide the ones we fear from the most and put them onto the shelf marked with a “These belong to the dark side of me” caption.

When practicing Ashtanga Yoga we always sing the opening and the closing mantras, but they gave me only a slice of the cake in case of feelings and emotions. I remember when I first listened to others singing mantras for at least half an hour the first yoga retreat I participated at I felt nearly nothing until I suddenly decided to close my eyes and start to sing with them. Gosh, I don’t know when was the last time I sang. I don’t know even when was the last time when I was singing because I wanted to. I guess it was around fifteen years ago or more. When people come together at a Kirtan performance and sing mantras even which they don’t understand a word from magic can happen there.

Although the above mentioned genres can be seen as they have not much in common, the truth is they can allow you to be the real You, the person who you are deep inside — if you are curious enough and have the courage to experience it.

Books are everywhere!

I hated reading books all my life. They were long, I read very slow and most of them were actually essential to read in school — so I marked myself as a person who hates to read. However when I decided to purchase my first Agatha Christie crime things changed. I really enjoyed reading and the book gave me a different kind of experience when I watched another Poirot crime on film. I had to imagine the whole environment, it was not there right before my eyes. But that was only one book I’ve read for years as I was too lazy to read, have other things with higher priorities, therefore I made myself no time to read.

Things changed again a bit more than one year ago when I saw on one of my faviourite blogs that somebody recommended The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg. I read the summary of the book and I go to the closest book store and bought it at once. Words cannot describe how much I loved to read it. It was around three hundred pages, but it was not an obstacle for me to finish it within a few weeks. After I had this experience in case of reading I decided to purchase other books after I find out what can be interesting for me. So I have finished another four books and have another seven on my shelf already for being experienced.

It’s not the process of reading what is really important here, but rather the decision chosing the right book and implement the meaning of it into my life. That is how Eckhart Tolle’s two books, The Power of Now and the A New Earth changed a way I look for the passing of each moment, the future which doesn’t really exist apart from our mind. I have started to learn how to live them fully and do not run away from them and live with less fear and more joy.

A new Family

We all have a family in our lives with a mother, father, brother, sister and other relatives. This is a family which was given when we were born. If we have a husband or wife and perhaps a child that is another family as they were probably chosen by ourselves. And there is a third kind of family which I would rather call it a community. A group of people who has a lot of in common in case of values, the way they see the world and other important aspects. They care about not just themselves, but others as well. They often get together, share most of the things, ideas, emotions and feelings they have without wanting anything in return. The help each other where and when they can and on the top of that nobody wears masks — they act as they are and with this behavior they help others to be able to act as they are as well.

I am so fortunate to have these kind of people in my life and because of the strong connection we have and built up I would rather call this group a family instead of just a community. We experienced together so many joyful and exceptional moments which — of course — includes challenges as well.

One could say that the most beautiful friendships work this way, but I had friends who we were coming together with and I didn’t feel the same I feel now when we gather something with these guys. Actually, it’s another kind of Love what I feel when I think about them, when I see them or when I hug them. To me they are really a family, the one that is not given, but chosen.

Getting the dream job and throw it away

After nearly five years I left a multinational accounting company to work for one of the biggest and most well-known IT companies. Around three years ago I applied to a similar position for the same firm, but I didn’t even have a chance to make it to the first round and I was really upset. I would kill anybody to get that job and start climbing the ladder.

Then came the very end of 2014 when I was hunt down and the interview process started. I got job and everybody was so excited and happy except me. I had a strange feeling that I won’t be enough for the position and apart from that I didn’t really had the wow! factor which was a kind of warning to me.

On my last working day just before I left the building I had started to cry without any specific reason. Although I had no strong connection with any of the few hundred people there the fact of leaving put me down somehow. I closed the door to open another, but that another didn’t bring me the excitment to be sure that this is what I want from life — at least for now.

As I look back I have to say that the thing which motivated me the most was the salary. I chased money without even realising that deep down this was the only thing I wanted from this new job as an outcome. I told myself that there is a great career path which avaits me, there will be amazing new people (actually they were!) and other stuff, but just after a few months I realised that the person who wanted this job so much does not exist any more. It was actually me — two years ago. That recognition was the first major sign that I am no longer the person I used to be. Although there were parts of my work which I enjoyed, there were lots of issues as well from which the one that I worried about the most was the lack of interest about technology — at all.

I started to think about what I would like to do instead of this, but nothing useful came into my mind for weeks. I quit at the end of the year. For the first time in my life I have no jobs and no exact plans for the future which gives me freedom and uncertainty at the same time.

A year without television and computer games

I couldn’t imagine a few years ago that one day I won’t have a TV and I stop playing games as well. I remember the nights when we were fighting against monsters with people from all over the world whom I’ve nevet met, watching different series for the tenth time until midnight. Series and games have something very serious thing in common. While you are watching or playing them as a habit you’re unconsciously living another character’s life in a world which is not yours. And because it is so much easier to live your own one sometimes you just ignore life happening around you. You say “no” to invitations without giving a specific reason, and on the whole you start to be more antisocial.

As the above mentioned community came into my life these kind of experiences had less and less impact on me and one day I woke up and realised that I don’t need them any more — at least for a while. So I sold my TV and suddenly put away playing games on that day. Almost one year has passed and most surprisingly I don’t miss any of them. It was harder to make the choice than living with the result.

Being part of a new association built from scratch

I was never involved in any associations before so it was a great opportunity to be a part of one whose mission is to focus mainly on the initiation of a happy and fullfilling life of the youth through the means of non-formal education. The team was formed from yogis who I was practicing every morning with which could ease the communication between us.

Our first event will be occured on January 23rd and I’m really curious about what we can offer for the attendees in reality. It was and it is already quite a new experience for me how to cooperate, collaborate and deliver a project like this. I have learned a lot since summer when our first brainstorming was taking place. I’m looking forward to our future if we can really help young people make their lives more fully and have a real meaning in case of it.

Who am I?

When was the last time when You asked yourself this question: Who am I? How many times do you ask yourself about who you really are? Probably not so often. I wasn’t questioned myself either for nearly three decades, because we — human beings — are in a habit of accepting things as they are presented to us and lives that needs to be lived in an instance. A good life is measured mostly by financial wealth, success in a career and other things which are in connection with the external.

I lived a life like this too, but as I started to practice Ashtanga yoga every morning different feelings and emotions started to came up and I started to doubt that if the life I’m living now is satisfactory for me or this is just an old pattern I’m following. After participating in a Bhagavad Gita course, reading both two books of Eckhart Tolle and starting to observe my feelings and emotions and try to live in the Present more it turned out that I have not so much in common with my former self, the person who I was a few years ago.

Who am I? What are the core values that are really important to me? What are the things I really care about? What would I do if money was not an object as Alan Watts asked his students? Why I’m afraid to start trying new things? What am I hiding from? What am I afraid of?

Will India give me some answers? Maybe. Maybe not. What matters the most is that by now I have some faith that helps and guides me to find the Guy deep down who has already found his passion.

“Thus, when the mind and senses are completely withdrawn from the outside world and freed from all desires, and when they are directed to the Eternal Reality, there comes the Great Revelation, the Knowledge of Truth, which destroys the ignorance and delusion of the relative world. The dreamer wakens from sleep and enters a world of a new dimension. The timid and hesitant fledgling jumps from the nest into the crisp autumn air and flies toward the dome of heaven. The old slough is discarded; there is no more return to the world of ignorance…

…As the flying bird leaves no footprint in the air, and the swimming fish no track in the water, so also the knower of Truth leaves no track or footprint on earth. He is known only to himself and to those who have attained Self-knowledge.”

(The Bhagavad Gita: Introduction, 19,21)”

Credits:

Cover photo:
https://missiongalacticfreedom.wordpress.com/2015/05/02/the-mass-awakening-2015-♥♥♥/

Vegetarian heart:
http://punchbowlsocial.com/vegetarianism-time-to-squash-the-beef/

Samsara Festival photos by Zoltán Vanik:
http://vanikzoltan.com

Pismo Beach sunset by Sean Dougherty:
https://www.flickr.com/photos/sepado/22922401171